1. Sit next to your bestie/work BFF/mortal enemy. When asked to share copies of the meeting agenda or presentation, pull your chair uncomfortably close to the other person. Drape an arm around the back of the other person’s chair. Your bestie will laugh, your work BFF will blush and your mortal enemy will disrupt the entire meeting by shoving you.
2. Ask intelligent questions. Then write down whatever is in your head. I like to jot down congratulatory notes to myself for holding in a fart for three hours. You will appear to be engaged and organized.
3. Keep tally of the number of times the visiting vendor hugs and kisses the cheek of a naive coworker.
4. If you’re fortunate enough to be in a meeting with TLW, keep tally of the number of times you see her dying to yell “That’s what she said!” whenever someone mentions further penetration.
5. Invent acronyms and comment on them. Try not to laugh as people nod in agreement that we need to get our ATN up to par with other books of business. No one wants to be the first to admit to having no clue what is being discussed. This is also a great way to confirm that no one pays any attention during boring meetings. Feel free to carry on drawing amoebas and trying to list all the state Capitols.