I try to go visit my mom once a week. I’m trying to get in good with her will and don’t want anyone taking what’s rightfully mine one day! JK-I’m an only child and she’s broke as hell. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Hello!
Anywhoos, a visit with good old mom never goes [...]
Archive for the ‘that's awkward’ Category
29 Oct
The birds and the bees!
22 Sep
You can’t please everybody!
Recently I’ve been off the radar here and there. Cell phones (even Billy Mays!) can be a bit of a stain at times. I like to be free and live my life! People expect you to be reachable at all times and that isn’t always conducive to my lifestyle. What if I’m “busy”? Or napping? [...]
2 Sep
Wednesday Randoms
Holy Shirazmataz, y’all. The Jenks is following Café Darkness on Twitter and he complimented our style! I don’t think y’all understand what this means. See, about a year ago two things happened. One I splitskied from my now ex hubbers. Two: Barista, Barbara Gordon (a frequent commenter and hopefully soon to be guest columnist (!!)) [...]
9 Jul
It does what it’s told or it gets the hose
Who: Me and the Boys. What: taking a walk. When: last weekend. Where: my apt. Why: They had to go potties.
So the boys are just sniffin around and peeing on bushes doing their thang. I’m waiting for them to hurry the hell up so I can take my daily nap. (It’s from 2-4 any day [...]
23 Jun
I’ll Be Loving You for a Little While
New marriage vows: I, Pompous, take you Shallow, to be my co-star, to have and to control from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, on basic cable or on prime time, to love and to smother, till death or season 3 do we part.
I wonder what Jon minus Kate cited [...]
8 Jun
Name That Amoeba
I offer you a gift. It’s an update on the childhood game of finding clouds that look like ice-cream cones. If you are trapped in a meeting or on a boring conference call or being lectured in traffic court and need to look like you are engaged (told you I am fluent in corporate lingo) [...]
4 Jun
Birthday Club Dropout
Corporate America enjoys forcing people who don’t like each other to pretend they do but only once a month and for no more than a half hour at a time. It’s called “Birthday Club”.
Everything about Birthday Club is excruciatingly awkward. Half of the people are actually gearing up for a good time (sad) and the [...]
29 May
I Think I Love You Part II
To the Night Manager of Home Depot who just left the bar at 9 am this morning,
Thank you so very much for stopping me and TL Dubs this morning to tell us that we are very pretty ladies. I really enjoyed the compliments that you threw our way in between telling us twenty-seven times that you [...]
28 May
Poker Face
I’ve decided to discuss one of the best parts of my “real job” just because some things are too good not to share. You may or may not figure out what exactly I do, or you may or may not care what it is I do, or you may or may not agree that this is high-larious and that’s totally [...]
22 May
Encouragement for the Bride
Encouragement for the Bride…this is actually a category of greeting cards now available at fine retail stores. I came across this last night while purchasing a card for a perfectly lovely bride. I was so utterly confused, I was compelled to read the card. I imagined it was going to say “I never thought you would snag a [...]
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