I learned some stuff this weekend…..The amazing part is that not that I learned anything per se, but that I:
1) had the brain capacity to make any sort of relevant connection since I was drunk for more than 80% of it.
2) that I remembered learning it at all.
(I thank the many childhood hours spent playing Memory by myself (hi, only child!) to my awesome ability to not forget things.)
Below is a short list of what I learned:
1-Eating dinner after drinking since noon is not a stain. It’s actually a “good idea”.
2-Talking to your mother on the phone after drinking for seven hours is no bueno. She’ll remember everything, you’ll remember nothing. She’ll give you gross advice like “don’t believe they’re Navy Seals” and it will make you feel queasy.
3-Drinking games? Bueno.
4-Sugar Free Red Bull is not an acceptable substitute for water.
5-You are not Lady Gaga just because you are dressed like a hooker and wear sun glasses inside at night.
6-You are Lady Gaga if you use a stripper pole to drop it like it’s hot.