*Editor’s note-This is the second in a 12-ish part series about Virginia colleges. Before taking offense, please note that these are generalizations and stereotypes. However, if you ask an RMC alumni about this piece be prepared that he or she will swear it’s the God’s honest truth.
Randolph Macon College, nestled in the tiny town of Ashland, may very well be the smallest biggest party campus in the South. With enrollment hovering around 1,200 students the college boasts both an impressive academic Greek life and an affinity for Natty Light beer.
Facts about RMC alumni past and present: Hazing does not end upon graduation. Siblings of alumni will be forced to do things they don’t want to do or endure endless taunting (ladies) or wrestle it out WWF-style (gents) should they refuse to drop an f-bomb in the Thanksgiving blessing.
Everyone who attends RMC has a cousin or realtor who smokes pot with Boyd Tinsley. Attending Randolph-Macon will get you a respectable education and connections to most folk bands before their major record label deal.
RMC students needed to go to a small school because they already know the entire world. Try playing six degrees of separation with someone from RMC. It’s no fun, they never need more than three degrees to get to George W. Bush or Katie Couric.
Students and alumni all have the uncanny ability to survive falls from two stories or more. They have rubber bones.
Do not challenge a Randolph Macon man or woman to a one-sip contest. They will win, you will lose, and you will make an ass out of yourself trying to “catch up” to the RMC crowd’s buzz. Yellow jackets as mascots? That goes along nicely with the fact that these kids will be buzzed for four to five solid years.
Homecoming will be an event that all students, parents and alumni attend forever. Being 8 months pregnant or in a wheel chair is not an acceptable excuse for missing homecoming. Do not plan a wedding/baby shower/family bbq for this weekend and invite anyone from RMC. They will caravan to Ashland before attending your event, and someone from the school is likely to sleep with the groom/mom/Uncle Bob. While this scenario is slightly preferable to bailing an RMC person out of jail, you will be highly uncomfortable when the bride/father/Aunt Sally asks you if you know why the bathroom upstairs has been locked for over an hour.
Do not root for Hampden-Sydney’s football team unless you had planned on wearing your drink. Also try to get on board with the Redskins if you can. Most RMC peeps have season tickets that they are happy to share if you sing “Hail to the Redskins” with enough enthusiasm.
Speaking of sports, Randolph-Macon takes tailgating to a whole new level. Most alumni could put Sunday brunch at the Jefferson to shame with the spread they arrange and travel with. I once saw someone prepare sashimi hand rolls while grilling filet mignon and operating an omelet station. Clams casino? Baked brie? Standard at an RMC tail gate.
They may be borderline crazy, but you won’t find a funnier, nicer or more loyal group of white people in Virginia.