Wanna know a sure fire way to get the party started? Find a childless dog owner and ask them if they love their dogs like normal people love children. Trust me, this will be fun. This particular population of folks already has that answer on lockdown and is not afraid to unleash a diatribe of “Why of course my dogs are like my children! How dare you ask such an inane question!” They’ll also have a mental list in their arsenal of why not only their dogs are like their children, they are, in fact better than children. (i.e. unconditional love, the freedom to still have a life while still having constant companionship, you don’t have to save for college, etc. etc) If you dare bring up the point that that is, in fact, crazy, they will roll their eyes at you and claim that you don’t “get it” and while you’re being such an insensitive prick why don’t you go ahead and invite Michael Vick over for some drinks on your porch?
How do I know this, you may ask. Why the answer in simple! Yours truly is a card carrying member of I Love My Dogs Maybe More Than You Love Your Kids. To put into perspective just how stupid insane I am I had the opportunity to pretty much take my soon to be ex hubbers to the cleaners financially. The only caveat being that one of the pups would go to him and the other would go to me. I got crazy eyes and said I would rather walk through Hell in gasoline underpants than give him one of the dogs and he had a better chance of me giving him a blow job right then and there than that happening. Needless to say I got both dogs but not without sacrificing some major coin. But it’s all good. I don’t mind waiting for payday to be able to buy groceries. Not this girl. No way. Cause I got my puppy dogs.
Non dog owners are also shocked and horrified when they learn that my little love bugs sleep in the bed with me. (squish!) Disgust, horror, astonishment are words that I would use to describe the reaction I get when this little nugget is revealed. Even more awkward is when I have surprise overnight guests (score!). One fella actually asked me if I was kidding when the Boys got in the bed. Nope, not kidding. Not kidding at all. The Boys like sleepin in the bed so you know where they sleep? In the bed! They’ll be around long after I kick you out in the morning so move over a little bit. Sammy likes sleepin’ in the middle and Scooter likes to snore. Sweet Dreams!