VCU Knows No Fear

*Editor’s note-This is the third piece a 12-ish part series about Virginia colleges.  Okay, we’re probably only going to discuss UVA and JMU before wrapping this up, but anyway…as usual, before taking offense, please note that these are generalizations and stereotypes.  VCU students are not all  brave metrosexuals.  I’m sure there are at least three wusses per thousand students.

It takes a special kind of student to live in a dorm at VCU for four years.  Think about your shopping list when you where heading off to college.  You probably went to Bed, Bath & Beyond and picked up a shower caddy, a dry erase board for your door (soooo cool) and a giant laundry sack for trips home.  You probably didn’t pick up a can of mace or go to a taser party.  VCU dorm-dwellers pass through Monroe Park, that sketchy part of Grace or Broad or walk behind the scary 7-Eleven on Belvidere at all hours of the day and night.  And they aren’t scared!  They all wear expressions that dare someone to mess with them.  “Oh, you want the $4 in my pocket?  Go for it and see what happens.  I don’t want to go to statistics today anyway.  Bring it.”

VCU students are equipped with invisible body armor that allows them to walk in traffic and they’re not afraid to use it.  Each student may create his or her own personal see-through crosswalk and control the transparent walk/don’t walk sign.   Should you fail to yield to their handiwork, be prepared for a huge stink-eye.  Do not try to explain that you had the green light, you are in between blocks and that of course you were not expecting him/her to ride a skateboard into your path.  The VCU kid will insult your intelligence and your taste in music, which will then make you feel insecure and old.

VCU kids all have style.  There’s a handful of classic college kids in their oxfords and ripped jeans, or those sporting kicks and a black and gold hoodie, but a little known fact about the school is that all the stylists from every teen show on the CW network (fine – I know them all, Gossip Girl, 90210, One Tree Hill, Privileged, Smallville) camp out in the dorms and dress the students before sending them off to hair and makeupclass.  Feel free to compliment a VCU girl on her scarf/bag/bracelet/giant watch.  She will give up the designer’s class schedule and dorm location.

VCU students do not read books.  They have seen pictures of them online and could identify an encyclopedia in a line up, but have never found themselves in need of a hard papery thingy that weighs more than their laptops.  VCU students could launch a rocket with a paperclip, an iPod and a website.  In fact, no one from VCU will even read this post.  Blogs are sooooo over.  If the message is not on a podcast that can be listened to in the time it takes to run through traffic from Cherry Street to Franklin, they’re not interested.   Time is short when you have twelve minutes to cross town five times a day.

I hear the new VCU president is considering adding a course on Frogger for students next fall.  Let the driving Olympics begin!


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