Special Lady Times


Once a month Mother Nature bestows the gift of PMS on women across the world.  She generously doles out massive amount of hormones that, in effect, makes us certifiably insane.  Men should be scared. They should be very scared.  The amount of irrational anger, frustration and irritation that manifests itself that one day a month is mind boggling.  Any woman you may come in contact with on that day should be treated similarly to how you would treat a rabid raccoon trapped in your garage.  Do not attempt to interact with them.  Certainly do not try to reason with them or taunt them with broom sticks because you will die.

Several months ago I was experiencing one of these lovely days.  I went on a run in a futile attempt to alleviate the bad mood.  An older gentleman made the grievous error to repeatedly honk his  horn while I crossed the road. 

“You can’t hear me with that music going on in your ears!” he screamed. 

Now see normally I would have thought “huh?”, mentally flicked him the bird and kept running but not that day. Oh hayell to the no. 

“What did you just say to me?!” I screamed. “I can’t hear you?  Then how the hell did I just hear you yell at me then?”

If he were smart he would have backed off due to my crazy eyes but he kept on.  “What I SAID is that I had the right of way and you couldn’t hear me because of that MUSIC in your EARS and I almost HIT you and if I HAD it would have been YOUR fault!”

Obviously he never took basic driver’s education because I clearly had the right away to his left turn.  “Oh yeah?” I replied.  “If you hit me it would be your fault?! Huh, that’s weird because I’m pretty sure I’m the PEDESTRIAN and I have the RIGHT OF WAY but you’re old so maybe you FORGOT that?!”

Then he made the error of calling me “crazy” (Which in his defense, I totally was right then).  I replied that I had been waiting to go off on an asshole like him all day and to “bring it”. (Ha! For real I did!) and that why doesn’t he go ahead and call the police and we can have them explain to him basic driving rules? 

At this point people were staring at us and getting a bit scared.  I think he may have recognized the fact that this was a losing battle.  I may be short but I’m scrappy and I’m seriously pissed.  He drove off and shouted some other profound statement like “stupid bitch”.  I then asked him if he kissed his wife with that mouth and continued on my merry way. 

I want to thank that crazy old man for being there for me on that day. It’s a rare occasion that a lady can actually release the anger and frustration during that special time. Kudos to you Old Man for your lack of basic driving skills and bitterness toward the world. Kudos to you.


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