Recently I’ve been thinking about ways to make some extra scratch. Times are tight and apparently I’m not willing to stop spending money on non essential items such as going out to dinner, grabbing drinks, buying expensive hair and skin care products, shopping, manicures, pedicures and getting the boys their top of the line organic dog food. So, how can a girl earn a little more coin in these in these tough economic times?
I know what you’re thinking. Just deal some drugs! Everbody’s doing it! Funny you should think that because Mom asked me just the other day if I was “selling grass”. “You know”, she said, “like those nickle and dime bags of the pot”. She said she kept finding baggies in my pockets and asked if I was, “in too deep”. Now before you wonder why my mom was going through my pockets let me just put it out there that yes, she was doing my laundry. You are correct if you think it’s ridiculous that a 30 year-old woman has her mom do her laundry for her but before you get all Judge Judy on me realize two things 1) I hate doing laundry and 2) mom loves doing my laundry so ’nuff said on that one. (For the record the baggies are for picking up number twosies from the boys).
ANYWHOOS, starting a crystal meth lab is NOT in my grand plan to supplement my less than impressive paycheck. Nope. Instead I want to get into prostitution. NOT FOR ME silly, but I would “represent” other ladies. Fuck it. Let’s call a spade a spade and I guess you would call me a pimp. Personally, I prefer the term “madame”. It’s much classier so let’s go with that.
Now how would my business model differ from, say, everyone else? Simple. My girls would be middle of the road ladies of the night. High class prostitutes are crazy expensive and tend to bring down political careers. On the other side of the spectrum you have the hookers off Jeff Davis highway giving out bjs for five bucks and, how do I put this delicately, not of the highest caliber of lady.
Where’s the in between harlot? The you’re just okay Jezebel? Oh, snap, that’s right! There is no in between. Hi, untapped market! (Pun intended!) What’s up, it’s me, TLW being a truth terrorist over here and dropping bombs like wow. Check it-My ladies would be of average looks and intelligence and would not have severe drug addictions and daddy issues. They would be available to any traveling businessman for the low, low price of $200.00. I would take halvsies-it’s only fair since she did all the *real* work and there you go! Boom! It’s just that easy. Two hundred bones for standard missionary relations-no freaky shit-save that for the trannies off Grace St.
You won’t get an escort to the opening night of the Met but you won’t get syphilis either so I think it’s pretty clear who the winner here is-and that winner my friend-is everyone.