Dear Barefoot Coworker,
If I let you win the competition you are in with everyone, will you please put some shoes on? Pretty please? How about if I promise to always refill the printer when it’s empty? Will you then put your shoes back on? Would you wear your shoes if I put little tiny thumbtacks all over the floor? Oh, I see, your soles are like tough leather baking in the summer sun. So that’s a no on the shoe wearing?
I know that your feet swelter and swell inside those orthopedic sandals. I know that the dirty office carpet feels so good up on your tooties. I know that you think your floral wallpaper dress looks best accented with bare toes. However, I think that vomit that sits in the back of my throat burns. Can you cut me some slack and at least try some flippy flops?
I don’t really have severe allergies that force me to tape a Kleenex to my face. I do this because I find your particular brand of foot stench repulsive. Your hairy toes remind me of a balding man with a bad comb-over. Your chipped and peeling nail polish makes you look like a street walker. Correction – a lazy street walker.
Put on a pair on shoes. Puh-leez. I implore you. Please put on a pair of shoes right now! Otherwise, I will be wearing roller blades tomorrow. Ice skates the day after that. Know what I’m saying?