You Can Be the Champion, My Friend

Dear Barefoot Coworker,

If I let you win the competition you are in with everyone, will you please put some shoes on?  Pretty please?  How about if I promise to always refill the printer when it’s empty?  Will you then put your shoes back on?  Would you wear your shoes if I put little tiny thumbtacks all over the floor?  Oh, I see, your soles are like tough leather baking in the summer sun.  So that’s a no on the shoe wearing?

I know that your feet swelter and swell inside those orthopedic sandals.  I know that the dirty office carpet feels so good up on your tooties.  I know that you think your floral wallpaper dress looks best accented with bare toes.  However, I think that vomit that sits in the back of my throat burns.  Can you cut me some slack and at least try some flippy flops?

I don’t really have severe allergies that force me to tape a Kleenex to my face.  I do this because I find your particular brand of foot stench repulsive.  Your hairy toes remind me of a balding man with a bad comb-over.  Your chipped and peeling nail polish makes you look like a street walker.  Correction – a lazy street walker.

Put on a pair on shoes.  Puh-leez.  I implore you. Please put on a pair of shoes right now!  Otherwise, I will be wearing roller blades tomorrow.  Ice skates the day after that.  Know what I’m saying?




One thought on “You Can Be the Champion, My Friend

  1. How about sock footed?
    I have really nice argyles and stripes that I wash frequently by hand with woolite.
    I am an avid pedicurist and often think that going sock-less would be just too much.

    How do you feel about socks only in the office?


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