You Can Be the Champion, My Friend

Dear Barefoot Coworker,

If I let you win the competition you are in with everyone, will you please put some shoes on?  Pretty please?  How about if I promise to always refill the printer when it’s empty?  Will you then put your shoes back on?  Would you wear your shoes if I put little tiny thumbtacks all over the floor?  Oh, I see, your soles are like tough leather baking in the summer sun.  So that’s a no on the shoe wearing?

I know that your feet swelter and swell inside those orthopedic sandals.  I know that the dirty office carpet feels so good up on your tooties.  I know that you think your floral wallpaper dress looks best accented with bare toes.  However, I think that vomit that sits in the back of my throat burns.  Can you cut me some slack and at least try some flippy flops?

I don’t really have severe allergies that force me to tape a Kleenex to my face.  I do this because I find your particular brand of foot stench repulsive.  Your hairy toes remind me of a balding man with a bad comb-over.  Your chipped and peeling nail polish makes you look like a street walker.  Correction – a lazy street walker.

Put on a pair on shoes.  Puh-leez.  I implore you. Please put on a pair of shoes right now!  Otherwise, I will be wearing roller blades tomorrow.  Ice skates the day after that.  Know what I’m saying?

Ominously,

Barista

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One thought on “You Can Be the Champion, My Friend

  1. How about sock footed?
    I have really nice argyles and stripes that I wash frequently by hand with woolite.
    I am an avid pedicurist and often think that going sock-less would be just too much.

    How do you feel about socks only in the office?

    TB

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