Top 10 reasons I like being not being a high roller:
I can’t afford a drug habit, hence no drug problem.
I’m not crazy for being a childless woman who doesn’t belong to CCV
I don’t have the fashion sense and flat ass necessary to be an heiress
I can make the Fraternal Order of Police consider sending me $10 per month
It’s acceptable, expected even, to get wrecked while pre-gaming. Notice that “cocktail hour” contains a singular noun.
I can give hand-made Christmas gifts. It’s the thought that counts.
If I were arrested, for say, lighting a hat on fire in public, I would not make the news.
I truly like Miller High Life Light.
I’m not lying when I tell homeless, er, displaced persons that I don’t have a dollar to spare.
I prefer Sidewalk to Bookbinders any day (except our anniversary, Mr. Barista)