No Money, No Problems

Top 10 reasons I like being not being a high roller:

 I can’t afford a drug habit, hence no drug problem.

 I’m not crazy for being a childless woman who doesn’t belong to CCV

 I don’t have the fashion sense and flat ass necessary to be an heiress

 I can make the Fraternal Order of Police consider sending me $10 per month

 It’s acceptable, expected even, to get wrecked while pre-gaming.  Notice that “cocktail hour” contains a singular noun.

 I can give hand-made Christmas gifts.  It’s the thought that counts. 

 If I were arrested, for say, lighting a hat on fire in public, I would not make the news.

 I truly like Miller High Life Light. 

 I’m not lying when I tell homeless, er, displaced persons that I don’t have a dollar to spare.

 I prefer Sidewalk to Bookbinders any day (except our anniversary, Mr. Barista)


One thought on “No Money, No Problems

  1. I am only half as cool as Barista:

    I didn’t lose anything to Bernie Madoff’s crazy schemes.

    When I go out to dinner, my family never expects me to pick up the tab.

    I’ve never felt forced to feign love for either escargot or caviar.

    I’ve never had to decide where I stand on fur: murder vs fashion.

    Joaquin Phoenix will never approach me and ask if I’ll bankroll his crappy rap album.

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