Of the highest importance

Steal Your Soul, Inc


To: Anyone at Steal Your Soul, Inc  who can give me a raise

From: TLW

Date: July 13, 2009

Re: My paycheck, or lack thereof

Please stop taking my money.  No, really. I mean it. When I signed on to work here three years ago I didn’t sign on to help shoulder the bad financial decisions made by Executives who earn in one check what I earn in one year. 

In addition, it was super swell of you to promise me a raise back in December, delay that raise until April and then just take it away all together.  I wasn’t planning on using that extra money for anything like, oh I don’t know, a new laptop I had to buy after my divorce.  It’s not like my expenses have increased lately or anything. 

Furthermore, please stop lying to me and telling me that there is no money to give anyone a raise.  Just because I’m not an old white dude I’m still smart enough to figure out who comes out in the end of this super efficient “re org” of yours.  I enjoyed the Pat Yourself on the Back Ice Cream Social a few weeks back but I’d rather be able to afford toilet paper instead of a crappy bowel of ice cream. 

As much as I love not being able to buy food at the grocery store, I’ve grown weary of eating sandwiches and am now passively aggressively forced to increase my internetting and blogging at work.

If you could please rectify this situation immediately, it would be greatly appreciated.

Kind regards,




One thought on “Of the highest importance

  1. I believe both you and Barista have seen my resume, and my deductive reasoning skill tells me that I used to work at the same place. White dudes? Re-org? Bad financial decisions? Ice cream socials? Bow ties?

    Oh, you didn’t say bow-ties? Whatever. Same place.

    In other words, when are we hangin’ out and talkin’ shit about the man? I’m free all week.

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