Whiskey is the new Chard, y’all. Recognize. Low cal and, apparently, a truth serum, I can’t think of a better drinking combination.
The best way to get a developmentally challenged cabbie to stop calling you after a friend gives him your phone number in jest (he wanted to take me to either Applebee’s or the Sizzler) is to introduce him to your “husband” who recently got “released from jail”. When he texts you three days later saying (and I quote here), “Hey what [sic] going on you never told me you was [sic] married” respond with, “I didn’t think he was getting out so soon. You should stop calling me though….he’s so crazy!”
The bartenders at the Limit can suck it. Stop acting all fancy pants on us or we’ll take our business elsewhere. You don’t even have vodka limeades so cool your jets.
Being officially divorced is totally rad. Paying single taxes is not rad at all.
T Saur: I’m putting you on notice. Your mismatched three piece suit and severe side part are exacerbating my (ever so slight) hangover.
Speaking of hangovers-you know when you get one that you really didn’t deserve? That’s me, today. Conversely, you know when you wake up bizarrely refreshed and stoked because you dodged a bullet big time? That was me, last Thursday.
I’ve decided to start wearing old bridesmaid’s dresses inappropriately and all the time. I paid good money for those dresses and I intend to get my wear out of them. Don’t be surprised if you see TLW walking around Kroger in a pink taffeta number with a big bow in the back. As a matter of fact, let’s all start doing this. NOTE: if this becomes a trend I want props.