Oh hey there, Time of the Month! What’s shakin? Gosh I feel we just saw each other. What’s it been? Only a month? 28 days? Meh, who’s keeping track? Well what’s new with you? Oh, nothing? I bet you’ve got some new tricks up your sleeve, TOM! You’re always shakin’ things up-have been since I was 13 years old.
TOM, you’re such a trickster! You’re all, “Oh hey, I’m here. Never mind, I’m not” and then “What’s up, I’m back”. I love it when you do that! Keeps me on my toes. I like it even better when you’re like “K, later for reals this time” and then you’re all “Sike, I’m back” for a third time. What a neat trick! You’re always playing hard to get it and I like that.
You know what else never gets old? Zits at 30. Totally rad. Thanks for those. If someone asked me my favorite thing about you it would hands down have to be the cramps. I give props where props are due and you are really good at being a pain. Being a pain? Get it? Funny. I love being bloated. Some people don’t and I don’t get why not. It’s sweet to not fit into your clothes for a few days each month. Makes you appreciate the days you can fit into them in my humble opinion. Feeling like a stuffed sausage is totally zexy and so 2009. Sucking in is for losers.
Alright TOM, I’m gonna run. I’m hungry like a savage beast and need to find some chocolate STAT. Or something salty. Or maybe sweet and salty sweetmotherofgod. Talk to you soon, or in 28-31 days.