Tired of hearing about T Saur yet? No? Never? Awesome, because I never get tired of talking about him.
He fancies making up his own words. On Monday he was talking about a plant he bought over the weekend for his “new place” i.e. a different apartment in the same building he already lived in. He told me that he likes having “folia” around. “What’s ‘folia’, T Saur”? I asked. “Uh, it’s a word, okay? It’s a word for plants”. Let’s pause here for a hot second and let me clarify that he says this to me like I’m the idiot. Oooooooookay moving on. “Oh is it? Huh…see I don’t think it is. I mean, ‘flora’ is a word for vegetation, plants, etc commonly used by 19th century poets, whom I’m fairly certain you’ve never read. ‘Foliage’ is a word for sure and I’ll even give you ‘folio’ as a word, although it has nothing to do with greenery, but ‘folia’ is most definitely not a word. Sorry Charles! Look it up!” I love it when I can call him out for being stupid. Makes me happy.
T Saur is trying to “get in shape”. He likes to do “cardio” which consists of push ups (not cardio) and running for about 10-15 minutes a day (cardio but not enough to get in shape). He likes to talk to me about his workouts because he thinks I care-which I don’t. Yesterday he saunters over to my desk and says, “I totally smoked some guy yesterday at Belle Isle”. “What are you talking about T? I’m trying to Facebook over here”. “Oh man, it was totally sweet” he continues unfazed by my dead eyes. “This guy was trying to smoke me on the 300 and I totally wouldn’t let him. I pulled hip to cheek and wouldn’t let him pass”. Now if you didn’t understand a word of that sentence, don’t worry, neither did I. From what I could ascertain a man (a runner) was trying to pass the ‘Saur and he took it as a challenge of sorts. “So, T. A guy was trying to pass you while you were running and you sped up and raced him for no apparent reason? Did he know he was in a race with you?” ‘Oh for sure, he was totally trying to sweat me.”. “Yeah, see T, I don’t think he did. I think he was just trying to pass you and then you speed up like a dick. Nice move. I hate it when people do that”.
Then he went on to tell me that in eight weeks (not sure what’s happening in 8 weeks but anyways) he was going to enter a 5K as a “sleeper” and he was going to win that 5K and be all “Booyah! I won this!” I then asked him to leave my desk. I waved at my monitor at said “T, I’m trying to Facebook here. I have 124 pictures to look through of my friend’s trip to Budapest and this mouse isn’t going to click itself. We’re done here”.