Why can’t we all just get along?!

Mea culpa, y’all.  I apologize!  I guess I didn’t realize how sensitive some men could be about their marital status and age.  Put that in the “now I know” category.  Sheesh!  I guess I figured since we had been stereotyping and generalizing our way through the summer that we could continue to do so, but I guess not. Lesson learned!  Never again will I make assumptions based on age, marital status or gender. I swear it

Things that are apparently still okay to make fun of:

Colleges!  No one got their boxer briefs in a bunch when we made fun of Hampden Sydney, UVA, JMU, Randolph Macon, VCU or Virginia Tech. I guess we’ll have to find some more generalizations to make about other schools that we know less about-like William & Mary (what do people do there?  Find me someone to interview who got drunk there and that will be our next post!), Virginia Union (I can’t think of much to make fun of here, can you?-that’s what I thought!) or Radford (being the school with the highest rate of STDs isn’t easy!)

Entire regions of the RVA!  Lord have mercy, I really let Down Town Short Pump really have it.  No problems there!  Next area we’ll make fun of: The Southside!  We’ll talk about how they have an inferiority complex to people who live in the West End and why this makes no sense because they’re identical.  Then we’ll make fun of failed Downtown revitalization projects! Yeah!

Men-but don’t mention their age or marital status!  Check and check!  Short pants are kosher, as are douche bags at bars as evidenced here, here and finally here.  Oh and here, too.  I’ll make sure from now on that I don’t talk about whether they’re married, divorced, separated or “it’s just complicated”. Furthermore I make this solemn vow to never mention their age either.  We’ll just assume they’re all over 50 since I’m 30. 

Alright everyone. Let’s hug it out. If we need to do trust falls, we will.  Some “when you say (blank), I feel (blank)”s may also be in order. We’ll just have to wait and see.  Let’s get this relationship back to good!

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13 thoughts on “Why can’t we all just get along?!

  1. Dang, man. The comments on that post blew UP over the weekend…

    Something touched a nerve. I think all the UMOThirty, Forty, FIfty, et cetera are feeling extra sensitive recently because they’re afraid that deep down they have a little crazy George Sodini in all of them, and can’t deal with a little ribbing about still being single.

    Dudes: Get a grip. If I end up becoming as bitchy and easily-butthurt as you when I get past 30, I might as well put my balls in a jar and bury them under a tombstone that reads “R.I.P. Senses of Humor, Sarcasm, and General Manhood.”

    Sheesh…

    Keep fighting the good fight, TLW.

  2. You can probably thank Jack Goes Forth sending the commenters your way. Maybe a slightly different crowd than your regular male readers.
    Anyways, i read some more of your posts and theres a chance you might be cool. We should exchange pics. Me text later. Make sexy.

      1. Yes, I’m a fantastic cook. I also enjoy collecting Precious Moments figurines, picking out names
        for cats I don’t yet own and pickling various food stuffs. My dislikes include mean people, rainy
        days and aggressive drivers. Interested?

  3. I used to have a cat named Reefer. You could try that one, he seemed to be alright with it. I love, love, love pickled onions, so at least we would have that.
    But I drive like i’m in a medi-evil battle, I love the rain and i’m kind of a dick.
    Lets just be friends.

  4. Wow, the haters came out then, huh? Don’t let them get you down, just chalk that up to your increasing popularity. Your descriptions were SPOT ON. Please do a UR and W&M college parody, and let me know if you want help with either UR or JSRCC.

  5. Proceedings of the embittered women prevention league:

    Emergency stations everyone! Somewhere on the internet a woman has lost faith in men!

    Quick! Get some response posts out onto the blogosphere. Spam her blog with comments… make some of em self righteous and ranty, some of em purile and demeaning! Make sure it looks like everyone thinks SHE is the one who is crazy. We can’t let it get out that we are truly an emasculated and redundant sex…!!!!!

    Next we’ll need the positive side of the campaign to ramp up as well. Deploy some ripped firemen wearing only underpants and suspenders to rescue a few kitties from some trees. Make sure they’re oiled up good – but a little bit dirty too. Those chicks will forget all about their problems when they see that hunk of flesh. That oiled rag always keeps em going for a few miles at least…

    Maybe we should start a few more wars too – nothing swells a clitoris like the sight of virile masculinity tearing itself to pieces. Someone get me the president!

    wait wait… hold up… she’s updated her blog…

    Ahhh… stand down everyone… looks like she was just joking… Crisis over… we can all go home.

    Although… ahem… leave the firemen with me… They can keep my wife distracted for a few hours while I get in a round of golf…

  6. Hey wait, I’m UMOT and got drunk at William & Mary every weekend for four years… Maybe we should schedule an interview?

    1. Sounds too good to be true. Yes, let’s schedule an interview and talk about your experiences of being both an UMOT and a W & M grad who consumed alcohol. It will make a facinating case study.

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