What I *really* did on my summer vacation

 

 

 

 

 

One of two pictures I took on vacation-and I'm not even kidding
One of two pictures I took on vacation-and I'm not even kidding

 

 

 

 Okay, okay. Enough of the bullshit.  What did TLW and Barista *really* do on their summer vacation?  Barista is right for the most part-we did drink brewskies, play spades and float around in the pool.  But there’s more to story here than what she’s laying down.  Let’s take it back to the beginning of the week……

Monday.  TLW had herself a date.  What was seemingly a fairly standard dinner and movie combination morphed into something else entirely replete with woo woos (I love it when guys take woo woos btws) and staying up way too late on a school night. 

Tuesday. TLW calls in sick. “Cramps”.  I would’ve been working on three hours of sleep and I wasn’t having any part of it so instead I slept my ass in and lazied about all day. Later that night I treated myself to a J and wine to kick off my big summer vacation.

Wednesday. I arrive at the beach.  Barista may say that I got there at the crack of dawn but she was blowing up my cell piece to see where I was. I told her to cool her jets and that I’d be there in a hot sec.  Upon arrival we promptly went to the beach and cracked open our first brewskies of vacation.  We got hot pretty quickly and decided to kick it poolside.  I almost got attacked by a fox and Barista was frightened of fox attacks for the rest of the week.  Later that night I smoked some pot out of a can which I thought had been illegal since 1995.  We also listened to same five Kings of Leon songs for three hours straight with not one of us noticing.  Dope.

Thursday.  Beach Bloody Mary’s were in order.  After lunch we floated around  in the pool for the rest of the day alternating between talking about how hot  it was, how hot we are and playing an intense game of “Would You Rather” during which B made me question every single fundamental belief I have ever held. (Ultimate “Would you Rather” = Would you rather have spaghetti hair or sweat mayonnaise?  Think about it)  Later that night? More Spades.  Note: I’m a much better player when drunk and not stoned.  We kicked ass and danced around in celebration of beating the boys. 

Friday.  Back to the beach.  I propped myself up in a chair and debated with Barista if 10:30 was too early to start drinking.  (We decided it was).  We waited until it was pool time to start really throwing ‘em back.  I’d say we were pretty lit by sunset since Barista was no longer scared to smoke cigs near the foxes.  We switched it up to wine after dinner which is always a great idea after you’ve been drinking beers for 4 hours. Around midnight I pull one of my infamous Houdini’s of “going to the bathroom right quick” i.e. I’m going to hit the hay and not tell you fools!

Saturday.  Barista and I take a bike ride into town and make a new friend!  His name was Pippen and he’s my new boyfriend!  He’s seven months old and almost completely house trained!  Oh…and yes…Pippen is a dog, but a very handsome puppers if I do say myself.  After exchanging digits it was time to kick back to the RVA.  Hurricane Bill was on our asses like wow and our livers were at full capacity.

I sure do hope Pippen calls. He seemed interested, so we’ll see.  Regardless, I can’t wait for my vacation next year!

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