RICHMOND, VA-Local area office worker, TLW, was stricken with a sudden and painful paper cut earlier this morning forcing her to abandon being productive for the rest of the day. The paper cut occurred during the normally routine task of replacing a file back in its cabinet. “I swear to God this is the deepest paper cut anyone has ever had”, TLW told reporters earlier this morning. “Eff, man. I mean can you see my bone, or is that just me?” she asked as she closely examined the wounded finger. “That’s it for me for the day”, she proclaimed, shoving her mounting pile of work to the side and settling in for a healthy dose of internetting interspersed with text messaging, personal phone calls and smoke breaks.
Sources close to TLW state that paper cuts are only one of many excuses she uses to forgo her normal office duties including, but not limited to: state holidays she’s forced to work, full moons, hangovers, rainy days, and Fridays. At press time TLW was currently catching up on Facebook, textsfromlastnight, some favorite local blogs and The Onion.