Top 5 Hangover Perks

Yeah, this may sound like I’ve lost my mind, but bear with me.  Or judge me mercilessly for the stupidity of this post to which I will say, what did you expect?  I’m hungover.

1. A morning eye-opener.  If you are not an experienced binge-drinker, you may be thinking of an eye-opener as a steaming shower or a hot cup of Joe.  While these are good practices in general, I’m talking about a hair-of-the-dog-that-bit you eye-opener.  What’s your poison?  Beers?  Vodka?  Have a little bit of whatever you had the night before and you will be right as rain.  Or just go with a Bloody Mary right away.  Kettle OneLycopene is a hell of an anti-oxidant. 

2.  A Greasy Breakfast.  Richmond has a plethora of options for the perfect hangover breakfast – Joe’s Inn, Starlight, Millie’s (omg yum), but you are likely on your way to work during most of your hangovers.  Therefore, I recommend my favorite breakfast sandwich of all-time:  a chicken, egg and cheese biscuit from Chik-fil-A.  It’s not on the menu.  You have to request this precious golden combo.  It brings a tear to my eye it’s so good.

3. Bold fashion statements.  When hungover, it’s easy to forget that you are a professional and that you should look the part.  If you’re like me, you will put on the most random assortment of clothes possible and convince yourself that you should dress this way more often.  Yesterday I was channeling Jackie-O.  Today I am Phoebe from Friends.  It’s probably not my best look, but I’m too hungover to care.  I’m patting myself on the back for remembering to use conditioner in my hair.  Just a few minutes ago I saw a guy from IT wearing pin-striped suit pants , a polo shirt and his Hokies visor.  We exchanged a fist-bump.

4. Caffeine.  A stimulant will do very strange things to your fragile, weakened body.  When hungover, I like to have as many caffeinated drinks as I did cocktails the night before.  When the caffeine kicks in, I will shake and sweat in uncomfortable places.  I’ll talk too fast and laugh inappropriately, in short barks much like a hyena.  In short, I’m really annoying.  It makes the all the crazy peeps downtown steer clear of me.  I can walk around in peace.  If you work in the city you understand how rare and pleasant this can be.

5. _________________ Fill in the blank.  Another perk?  Apathy.  You finish this list.  Yawn.  I’m going to go stare at my cube wall for awhile.


4 thoughts on “Top 5 Hangover Perks

  1. Dear Barista,

    I’m so sorry you have a hangover. I’m going to pray that it goes away soon right before I take a nap. I also had a slight one this morning but went away as internetted from home. Fitness also helped, so maybe try that later? Let me know if you want me to bring you a coffee, cig, brewskie, etc to help you-but don’t call before 4 because you know that’s my nap time.


    TLW (by the way-is it werid that I respond to TLW in real life, now? I think it is. I’m going to think on this before I nap, too)

  2. Absolutely fucking hilarious. If I had been swilling a caffeinated beverage in my mouth while reading this post, it might likely have ended up all over my computer screen!

    Another bold fashion statement is to just wear the same vodka-soaked, cigarette-infused clothes you had on the night before. This tactic is not only environmentally friendly, but the scent you give off will also warn your co-workers not to fuck with you today, and you don’t even have to open your mouth or give them the evil eye!

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