Goldfish Flavor Blasters suck

Below is an excerpt from actual conversation I had with a friend yesterday during work hours. To clarify, she goes by Shugs-a term of endearment for us Southern Ladies.  It’s short for Sugar-or as we pronounce it “Shugah”.  She’s so clever, that she’s named me Shades since, in her opinion, I’m less than forthcoming with my whereabouts and happenings.  Please note the important things we discuss:

Shugs:  Shades?

me:  yes, Shugs?  I can’t talk right now Shugs-duty calls! See my “busy” status?

Shugs:  ugh. Okay. I don’t care about that status. I don’t even know why you put it up there because it’s always up there so people don’t listen…you know? it’s like crying wolf.

me:  ha! sorry Charles

Shugs:  I just wanted to ask about supper club and, you know that I guess I’ll just find out later

Shugs:  I didn’t get no email from [one of our other friends]

me:  “no email”? you didn’t get “an email”

Shugs:  what have you

me:  no shugs-proper English

Shugs:  but, point still being..Shades.. I did it for your benefit. I was trying to sound “tough”.

me:  oh. it came off entirely different

Shugs:  like “biatch…I ain’t get no email” Do you understand better now?

me:  no I get it now. (kinda)

Shugs:  sheesh well…what did you end up taking?

me:  buffalo dip from the krops

Shugs:  what the h is buffalo dip?

me:  effing rad shit is what it is man-get up on that shit! BUFFALO DIP!

Shugs:  what’s in it? for real

me:  It’s awesome.  it’s cheese and chicken and dip and you heat it up and it’s good like wow

Shugs:  that sounds pretty good

me:  pretty good?  pretty amazing

Shugs:  oh! snap! I better get some before the krops closes

me:  yeah. that’s what I’m sayin

Shugs:  Shades.. I want to go on a diet, but at the same time all I want or feel like doing is eating things that actually taste good. I try a diet every week to no avail

me:  well, why don’t you start to do a little fitness

Shugs:  don’t say exercise

me:  (crazy I know)

Shugs:  don’t even say it.

me:  because it makes sense

Shugs:  I take  walks.  that’s all I will do..  period…three periods…

me:  well you’re not going to lose any weight that way.  just sayin

Shugs:  like right now, I am eating flavor blasted goldfish because you can have like 51 pieces for 1.5 points on WW [Weight Watchers]…but, each bite I keep waiting for the flavor to blast?

me:  goldfish suck balls

Shugs:  and, it never does

me:  they have no flavor at all.  it’s like eating paper

Shugs:  well, the flavor blasted are at least better but, still suck

me:  meh

Shugs:  you’re right

me:  it’s like what’s the point? it’s like bad sexy times-it’s like forget it I’ll just go to sleep

Shugs:  right.  I know that I’ve probably had 52 pieces because I keep eating them waiting for the good one. the one that I like. the one that will make me stop

me:  you’re wasting your time!

Shugs:  you know?

me:  they all suck. All. Of. Them.

Shugs:  Shades, do you like white cheddar cheese its? I do. I wish I had some

me:  I do. but you know that I like the regular the best

Shugs:  not me

me:  white cheddar is a little to vanilla for my tastes. a little too “meh”

Shugs:  I think that I just finished the whole bag of flavor blasted goldfish. oh well

me:  ha!

Shugs:  (they were almost gone)

me:  donezo.  good job, shugs

me:  it’s 9-09-09

Shugs:  oh. I know. what’s the big deal?

me:  I don’t know but it’s getting on my nerves. everyone keeps talking about it

Shugs:  some people are getting married today.  I’m so annoyed by that for some reason me:  WHO CARES.  THAT’S RIDICULOUS.

Shugs:  I’m like it’s WEDNESDAY. I know. so STUPID

me:  It’s Wednesday and you’re an idiot

Shugs:  I understood the whole 7-7-07 thing more because 7 is a lucky number. THAT got on my nerves too though

me:  no the whole thing is absurd

Shugs:  haha


Shugs:  HA! I love it

me:  I mean!

Shugs:  haha.  Shades… I’m full now on empty stupid calories

me:  good job

Shugs:  that didn’t taste good. f it

me:  I mean at least blow it on something good you know.  like cheese curls. ON TIME!

AAAAAAAAAAND End Scene! Yes, ladies and germs we basically talked about snacks for upwards of thirty minutes. Time well spent in my opinion.


7 thoughts on “Goldfish Flavor Blasters suck

  1. And I stopped reading around White Cheddar. Shugs is right – I pay no heed to the “busy” sign on your google chat. Doesn’t even occur to me not to pop up on you – I think get upset when it takes you longer than .3 seconds to reply.

      1. Fergalicious Shugs-I couldn’t agree more. The commenter below you is so offensive to my feminine sensibilities I almost collapsed from the vapors! Lady drinks soon, please.

  2. I don’t know If I said it already but …Great site…keep up the good work. 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, 🙂

    A definite great read..Tony Brown

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