Below is an excerpt from actual conversation I had with a friend yesterday during work hours. To clarify, she goes by Shugs-a term of endearment for us Southern Ladies. It’s short for Sugar-or as we pronounce it “Shugah”. She’s so clever, that she’s named me Shades since, in her opinion, I’m less than forthcoming with my whereabouts and happenings. Please note the important things we discuss:
me: yes, Shugs? I can’t talk right now Shugs-duty calls! See my “busy” status?
Shugs: ugh. Okay. I don’t care about that status. I don’t even know why you put it up there because it’s always up there so people don’t listen…you know? it’s like crying wolf.
me: ha! sorry Charles
Shugs: I just wanted to ask about supper club and, you know that I guess I’ll just find out later
Shugs: I didn’t get no email from [one of our other friends]
me: “no email”? you didn’t get “an email”
Shugs: what have you
me: no shugs-proper English
Shugs: but, point still being..Shades.. I did it for your benefit. I was trying to sound “tough”.
me: oh. it came off entirely different
Shugs: like “biatch…I ain’t get no email” Do you understand better now?
me: no I get it now. (kinda)
Shugs: sheesh well…what did you end up taking?
me: buffalo dip from the krops
Shugs: what the h is buffalo dip?
me: effing rad shit is what it is man-get up on that shit! BUFFALO DIP!
Shugs: what’s in it? for real
me: It’s awesome. it’s cheese and chicken and dip and you heat it up and it’s good like wow
Shugs: that sounds pretty good
me: pretty good? pretty amazing
Shugs: oh! snap! I better get some before the krops closes
me: yeah. that’s what I’m sayin
Shugs: Shades.. I want to go on a diet, but at the same time all I want or feel like doing is eating things that actually taste good. I try a diet every week to no avail
me: well, why don’t you start to do a little fitness
Shugs: don’t say exercise
me: (crazy I know)
Shugs: don’t even say it.
me: because it makes sense
Shugs: I take walks. that’s all I will do.. period…three periods…
me: well you’re not going to lose any weight that way. just sayin
Shugs: like right now, I am eating flavor blasted goldfish because you can have like 51 pieces for 1.5 points on WW [Weight Watchers]…but, each bite I keep waiting for the flavor to blast?
me: goldfish suck balls
Shugs: and, it never does
me: they have no flavor at all. it’s like eating paper
Shugs: well, the flavor blasted are at least better but, still suck
Shugs: you’re right
me: it’s like what’s the point? it’s like bad sexy times-it’s like forget it I’ll just go to sleep
Shugs: right. I know that I’ve probably had 52 pieces because I keep eating them waiting for the good one. the one that I like. the one that will make me stop
me: you’re wasting your time!
Shugs: you know?
me: they all suck. All. Of. Them.
Shugs: Shades, do you like white cheddar cheese its? I do. I wish I had some
me: I do. but you know that I like the regular the best
Shugs: not me
me: white cheddar is a little to vanilla for my tastes. a little too “meh”
Shugs: I think that I just finished the whole bag of flavor blasted goldfish. oh well
Shugs: (they were almost gone)
me: donezo. good job, shugs
me: it’s 9-09-09
Shugs: oh. I know. what’s the big deal?
me: I don’t know but it’s getting on my nerves. everyone keeps talking about it
Shugs: some people are getting married today. I’m so annoyed by that for some reason me: WHO CARES. THAT’S RIDICULOUS.
Shugs: I’m like it’s WEDNESDAY. I know. so STUPID
me: It’s Wednesday and you’re an idiot
Shugs: I understood the whole 7-7-07 thing more because 7 is a lucky number. THAT got on my nerves too though
me: no the whole thing is absurd
me: it doesn’t MATTER. YOUR MARRIAGE WILL FAIL. TRUST ha!
Shugs: HA! I love it
me: I mean!
Shugs: haha. Shades… I’m full now on empty stupid calories
me: good job
Shugs: that didn’t taste good. f it
me: I mean at least blow it on something good you know. like cheese curls. ON TIME!
AAAAAAAAAAND End Scene! Yes, ladies and germs we basically talked about snacks for upwards of thirty minutes. Time well spent in my opinion.