Dear Mr. Window Licker Guy Licking My Window,
I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you again today! After you left yesterday I thought to myself, surely I’ll never see him again. Out of all the first floor windows in downtown Richmond, mine cannot possibly hold his attention for long.
But I was mistaken! You’ve come back and are licking my window like it’s an ice cream cone from Bev’s. You are also licking my window like you’re wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. Sir, I assure you I can see you. I’m watching you right now and I’m clapping for you. You could smile back now if you please.
I haven’t even told anyone else what you are doing because I don’t want to share you with my coworkers. I am afraid their bare feet would offend you and scare you away and you sir are more interesting than everything I’m getting paid to not do today.
Mr. Window Licker, how do you spend your weekends? I am going to get drunk and watch a lot of football on Sunday. Are you still going to be licking windows or do you relax and make sweet passionate love to the city’s light posts?
Wait…where are you going now? Don’t leave me. Please. Awww….come back Monday, okay?