Local area blog author TLW has reported that local area blog author Barista has gone missing, again, for the second time in as many months. TLW took her frustration to “The Twitter” numerous times before calling the Barista out over “the internets” in what some say was a hasty decision.
“Look, no one who likes Cafe Darkness really gives a rip who wrote or said what” said Odie Skidalot, a self described prison-inmate social media expert. “TLW should continue to make death threats and then since the Barista isn’t around, she can blame it on her when the FBI shows up. Plus also, she can shank the Barista and then assume her internet identity”.
Several hipsters-about-town came forward and said they admire the irony of TLW telling Barista to quit slacking off on her blog-writing duties, which she took on in place of her actual work-related duties. “In essence, the Barista is slacking off on slacking off. That is so awesome and somehow I think it I want to use the word existential right about now. Existential. I’m going to go have a PBR and think on how I can do this too” said supreme hipster Thomas Thomas.
TLW vehemently denied there is any irony in her actions, going so far as to physically threaten some reporters who questioned her ironic use of irony with bodily harm. “Look, I know her really well. She’s just doing this for attention. Susan Miller’s horoscope said that Leos are going to be out of freaking control this month, and I couldn’t agree more. So would everyone please just say they miss her so that she will come back to the blog? I know, B can be such a drama queen sometimes”.
An anonymous tipster employee (Mr. Frank Hall) of the East Coast/Shell station on Patterson Avenue says he may have spotted the Barista there late Thursday evening. “I’m not totally sure if it was her. The woman was very short and possibly inebriated. She was carrying a pack of cigs, two bananas, and a bottle of Chardonnay. She kept muttering things like dry-out and potassium is good for you and something about flying off a wagon”.
TLW offers no reward for the safe return of the Barista as of press time.