How to Succeed in Business Travel Without Really Trying

1.  While away on business matters, make sure to file at least one police report.  Have something important stolen.  You will receive lots of attention, sympathy and high-importance emails.  Use this opportunity to display your natural gift for story telling.  Make wide-eyed ingenue expressions to really draw in your audience.

2. Ignore your per-diem allowance.  No one tells you how much you need to eat!  You’re the boss of you.  That’s right – take yourself to Outback and order that Thunder from Down Under – you earned it.  Corporate Accounting is going to be so jealous!!!!

3.  Demand premium travel arrangements.  Talk about how you understand budget constraints but that you know someone could upgrade your room if you agree not to release that picture from last year’s holiday party.  No more Holiday Inn Express for you – it’s a Marriott Courtyard from here on out!

4. Break a piece of office equipment and act like you did someone a favor.  Talk about how maybe now they can get a new coffee maker/fax machine/reception desk like you have in your office.  You’ll look cool and people will be grateful.

5.  Leave your mark on the town you visit.  I suggest finding a gas station that doesn’t have an automatic shut-off at the pump and creating a large gasoline river.   Sure, this could be dangerous, but doesn’t everyone need a little bit more excitement these days?  Be sure to tell the hysterical clerk who you work for and that he can expect to hear from your people! 

PS – I expect my promotion any day now.  Trust.

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