In Theory and Practice

Pre-Break Up Moment #742
Pre-Break Up Moment #742

Earlier today, TLW made her case for the proper use and care of the pre-breakup mechanism.  I was impressed by her strategic strategeri-ness, and thought about how I could use this information as I go about living my life.  I’ve decided the pre-break up has numerous uses. 

The Workplace Pre-Break Up

So look, I really like working here, but I don’t see us…you know…collaborating together much longer.  I want to be free to offer my services elsewhere and I bet you can understand that.  I know we all say that money isn’t the most important thing in life…but in this case, it most definitely is.  I’m looking for an employer who can afford me the finer things in life.  My mama didn’t name me Fancy for nothing!  (Please say this in a Latin accent…it will take the drama factor up considerably, especially if you are not actually named Fancy or of Latin origins).  So I’m just gonna go back to my desk and post my resume online for a few minutes while you take it all in.  But seriously, let’s keep in touch.  And by “in touch”, I mean be you need to be available as a reference for me once every 5-7 years. 

The Grocery Store Pre-Break Up

Say now, I really appreciate all you’ve done for the community and that every Wednesday is double-manufacturer’s coupon day, but sometimes I just want change!  It’s not that you don’t make enough suggestions that help keep me regular or bag my items quickly enough, but well…what can I say?  I’m too young to be so tied down to one store.  That’s what my Papap does.  He goes to the same store, every day, and plays his numbers and flirts with all the cashiers.  That’s just not for me.  I need variety!  I want to look at other store’s shelves without you asking me why I don’t still look at you that way!  You really want to know why I don’t look at you that way?  I’ll give you a hint:  you spend too much time in the bakery, know what I’m saying?  Look, don’t cry.  It’s not like we can’t still be friends.  I’ll be back next Wednesday, okay? 

The Grey’s Anatomy Pre-Break Up

Exhale slowly in a long bone-weary sigh…you’re in an operating room…fighting to save the life of a total scoundrel who is a lot like you were not so long ago, who despite being a cult leader that destroyed many families, is still a lot like you used to be and has more than a few redeeming qualities.  Wait!  Focus!  You need to pre-break up with your hot surgeon lover who took you for granted for like two seconds this morning!   You lean in across the table and just as you are about to say “It’s not me, it’s you” an artery bursts out of nowhere!  You must act quickly, because you’ve just discovered that the patient also has stage IV lung cancer and not just a knife to his liver!  And there’s a bomb somewhere in the hospital that is going to explode the next time a nurse’s shoe glides soundless down the hall.  You can do this…you can save lives and pull off the pre-break up and stop the bomb.  You just…need…time…oh good, look at that!  You cured the cancer.  You’re going to embark upon a study that will change the face of medicine forever!  Hey you – I don’t think we can see each other anymore! …Wha??? It’s too late.  You are too far gone to answer his silent sobs…you are a medical genius and there’s an intern around here that is just dying to sleep with you and there might just be some flying monkeys you think as it fades to black.

Yeah, that show lost me a few months ago too.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s