It’s not me, it’s you

Perhaps things would have ended differently if they had pre broken up!
Perhaps things would have ended differently if they had pre broken up!

Breaking up is hard. Breaking up with someone who isn’t your boyfriend is even harder.  The “Pre Breakup” is something I wasn’t familiar with until I became single again.  My first experience with the pre breakup found yours truly at the receiving end. Yes, even cowgirls get the blues!  I had been keeping company with the gentlemen in question for a few weeks. Things were good-not amazing oh my god I’m going to have ten million of his babies amazing-but good enough for government work.  I was shocked and appalled during a phone conversation when he said, “I really like hanging out with you, but I don’t see us…you know….dating”.  I wondered what in the world this guy was talking about.  Last time I checked I wasn’t his girlfriend?.  Instead I stammered, “Oh…okay….neat! I’m going to take a nap now, bye!”  I hung up the phone and immediately called Barista to inform her that I had been dumped by someone I wasn’t even in a relationship with.  We marveled at the ridiculousness of it all and had some woo woos to toast the end of the three week relationship I wasn’t aware I was even in. 

Many moons and boys later I realized that the pre break up is something I wish I had been doing for years.  It’s a win-win situation!  By just “putting it out there” that you don’t see you two in a committed relationship you have given yourself carte blanche to do whomever else you want while continuing to make sexy with the guy you just pre broke up with.  Genius! 

The timing of a pre break up is crucial.  You need to have been hanging out a sufficient amount of time-somewhere along the lines of 3-8 weeks is preferable. Being direct is best.  Personally I like the standard, “I like you and all, but I don’t see us…you know…dating.”  After you put it out there expect a whole lot of awkward.  That’s why it’s best to do this over the phone. I can not stress this enough. Pre breaking up in person is just too much and then you’re all, “check, please” or “alright, well the door’s this way” while the person absorbs that truth bomb.   

Important to note: Only pre break up with guys who are class 5 clingers who give off the “monogamy” vibe. Also important: do not pre break up with a guy who doesn’t care what you do when you aren’t together.  There’s no need to pre break up then because he’s just not that into you.  Zing!  Thirdly and most importantly do not pre dump a boy you actually enjoy hanging out with and may want to date seriously in the future. That’s just stupid.  Commit these three rules to memory and you’re ready to go pre break some hearts!


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