CHESTERFIELD, VA-Southside resident and self-proclaimed “good girl” Rebecca Smith has been unable to decide on a Halloween costume for the upcoming holiday. The 27 year old office worker has been debating between several costumes including, but not limited to: slutty police officer, slutty nurse and the potential wildcard, the slutty bumble bee. “I just can’t decide what I want to be this year. I mean, if I’m the police officer then I can ‘arrest’ boys, but if I’m a slutty nurse then I can walk around with a stethoscope, which is pretty hot too”. The final decision could make or break Ms. Smith’s night out on Saturday as there will be numerous other provocative fill-in-the-blanks vying for male attention. “I want to stand out”, she added.
All costumes choices are, as stated above, extremely suggestive and take the original costume’s theme but shorten, tighten and unbutton where necessary to give the wearer a sense of naughtiness apparently not expressed the other 364 days of the year. Men respond favorably to this hyper-sexualization and will often purchase numerous shots and shooters in hopes of, at the very least, making out with the wearer in a bar bathroom. When reporters asked Ms. Smith’s roommate and year round sexual provocateur, Susan Davis, what she would be for Halloween this year she said she would be The Virgin Mary. “You know” she said, “for the irony.”