Suzy Homemaker I am not


The recent election in Virginia made me realize I really need to work on my homemaking skills.  All of the years I spent going to school and working led to a lack of knowledge about how to keep a good home for my family!  I hope Governor-Elect McDonnell will offer some type of government assistance towards the education and advancement for Women Who Don’t Know the First Thing About Being a Homemaker.  Below are the top five things I need to learn:

1-Ironing.  I don’t have the time or the energy to spend an hour removing wrinkles from clothes and would rather pay someone to do this for me.  This must stop.  I need to know when to use the “steam” setting, when to use starch and how to get the front and the back of something unwrinkled without wrinkling the other side and not giving up and just wearing it wrinkled because ohmygodinheaven this is irritating.

2-Laundering Clothes.  As a time saver I throw all of my clothes into a single load and just set that bad boy on cold.  If I’m going to have my family look its very best I need to start separating whites and darks.  Which water setting is appropriate and why would I ever use the “delicate” cycle?  I should also learn how to remove stains instead of throwing it the trash can and buying something new because honestly I can’t be so bothered. 

3-Basic cooking skills. I can say with 100% certainty I don’t know the first thing about making a casserole.  It’s a mysterious combination of deliciousness.  Also on the agenda: baked potatoes, waffles, a baked ham, any type of vegetable, French toast, various dips,  and finally a pot roast.

4-How to throw a dinner party.  When my husband is trying to get a promotion at work or trying to get a big client he’ll want me to throw a dinner party to impress his boss and his wife.  How many couples do we invite?  How many courses do I serve?  Is it okay to wear my apron when greeting guests if I’m still preparing the meal?  How long before the last guest arrives before I serve dinner?

5-Greeting my husband after a long day of work.  This is the most important one of all.  Do I have his drink already prepared before he gets home or do I make it when I see him pull in the driveway?  I don’t want him to have to wait but I also don’t the ice to melt and water it down.  I know he needs to time to unwind after a stressful day of work but I’m sure he’s hungry, too. Should I make him a snack to eat with his whiskey or just wait for him to tell me he’s ready for dinner?


Editor’s note: This post is intended to show how ridiculous Bob McDonnell is and not to disrepect the ladies who decide to stay home with their Littles. My hat is off you because I honestly don’t know how you do it.  I would blow my brains out.  Trust.  Furthermore, it is utterly ridiculous I don’t know how to make a casserole or iron a shirt. I’m 30 years old for Christ Sake.  xoxo, TLW

One thought on “Suzy Homemaker I am not

  1. McDonnell is a McDouche. These skills are all fine-n-dandy, and you should delegate them out to the kiddies or hired help whenever possible. Leaving you more time to perfect your woo-woo recipe and continue writing this awesome blog. Cheers!

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