I haven’t given a T Saur update in a while for no other reason than I hate him and I try to avoid and ignore him at all costs. I realize there are maybe one or two of our readers that are curious about Mr. T’s life so I will take a knee and give you an update on the life and times of Steal Your Soul Inc.’s most dedicated employee.
He had an “awesome” Halloween party last week. Since this was a Halloween party he was naturally dressed up in costume as…….(wait for it)……Buzz Light Year. If you’re anything like me you have no idea who this is but apparently Buzz is an astronaut of some sort in a children’s cartoon movie. As astronauts normally do, Buzz wears a helmet-zero gravity can be a bitch-but since T’s homemade Styrofoam/duct-taped outfit didn’t include a helmet he wore a blue cap instead, making him appear more human condom than cartoon astronaut.
Being the consummate host he made the following food: Lil Smokies, carrots, olives and various “spreads” as he calls them. Tasty. The party itself was “pretty sweet” and was replete with a black light and dancing! Unfortunately one female party goer had her ass pinched by a friend of T’s that almost-but didn’t thank goodness-cause a fight. Some of the fellas even ventured down to Cha Cha’s and brought some complete and total strangers up to the party. I LOVE THIS ALL SO MUCH YOU GUYS!
The pièce de résistance of the evening resulted in T meeting a new lady and-I can’t even believe it-but she’s pretty cute! He showed me a picture and I was shocked. Of course I asked him if he was going to take her out and he said indeed, he was. He was planning on making her dinner on Thursday night which seemed a bit much for a first date, but hey-don’t listen to this girl.
Much to my shock T saunters in on Thursday morning and announces he cancelled his dinner date because, and I am directly quoting here, “She doesn’t seem like she would be classy enough of a lady” to which my coworker quickly replied, “Who the fuck are you?!” CLASSIC! He explained she seemed a little too much of a “party girl” and he wanted to date someone with more class-like us. Time and space stopped for a minute and it took me a minute to come back to reality before I walked away and muttered something along the lines of, “please don’t ever use the words ‘date’, ‘you’, ‘classy’ and ‘me’ in the same sentence ever again.