Recently I was selected by Nielsen Ratings to complete a survey detailing what I watch on TV. This survey was preceded by postcard and two dollars asking me my age (25), salary ($100,000 +) and how many hours of TV do I watch a week (less than an hour). LOL/JK I watch way more than an hour of TV a week. Anywhoos, I filled out their little postcard and spent those two dollars on some scratchers. A couple of weeks later I get a whole package from Nielsen along with thirty bones (RIGHT?!) to complete a more detailed “diary” of what I watch for an entire week.
Since I already spent the thirty bucks on more scratchers I figured I would be faithful to filling out this TV diary. Honestly, I really don’t watch that much television so I thought it would be fairly easy and painless. I quickly realized there was no way I could honestly fill this out since it is apparent that, for the most part, I watch really awful television. It’s my personal opinion that television ain’t for teachin’. It’s for zoning out after a long day. If I want to learn something I’ll read a book goddamn it! Suffice it to say the only thing I could do is lie. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m an idiot!
Instead of watching The Hills, I’m saying I watched Masterpiece Theater, even though The Hills is kind of like Masterpiece Theater but with more attractive people, but I digress. Side note: I love that Kristen is back. God she’s so nasty! Or so I hear. I wouldn’t know. I don’t watch it. Question: do you guys think she’ll get with Justin Bobby for reals or do you think he’ll always love Audrina? It’s so intriguing!
Something else I absolutely do not watch is Bridezillas. I hear this is a rad show about the craziest women in America who, somehow by the grace of God, managed to find a man to agree to marry them. These ladies are cra cra and it is brillz! Too bad I didn’t watch it and saw a facinating independent documentary about the benefits of making your own mouthwash and deodarent on the Sundance Channel.
No Real Housewives of Atlanta for me. No, sir. Instead I watched a 13 part series on the History Channel about our founding fathers. If someone asked me if I was tardy for the party then I would not have the foggiest notion of what they were talking about. If you question me then I may have to call Pooky!
I apologize in advance if my survey results skew television towards more intelligent and meaningful programs with substance and depth. I know, I agree. I don’t want to watch that crap either.