T Saur stinks. Like for serious stinks. His odor is hard to pin point exactly but if held under oath in a court of law I would say it is a combination of moth balls, pennies and human decay. He smells so bad that when he gets up and down from his desk a trillion times a day it wafts in my cube and makes me want to gag. I actually think the smell is worse than the hacking. I figured out a way around the throat clearing and that is to listen to my iPod at full volume for nine hours a day. Sure it’s turning my hearing to shit but deaf girls are hot. Right?
Things are not all bad in the Land of the Saur. Because it’s the Year of Aquarius everything is going my way including-but not limited to-not getting H1N1, being super sexy and my manager forcing T to take time off from work. Because he not a real human being he actually enjoys coming to work every day. Last year he took zero days off and was headed for year two of the same until my manager dropped a truth bomb on him that he had to take his vacation by the end of the year. Why they give a rip about employees taking their vacation time when they don’t care I can’t afford groceries is beyond me but for some reason they do and I am not one to question authority! You would have thought she told him he could never see his son again by the look on his face. Sike, he doesn’t see his son. ADeadBeatDadSayWhat? What? Exactly.
He then spent the next two hours figuring out an action plan. In typical T fashion he managed to take time off in the most irritating way possible. Please note that he is here every day that I am. He took one, maybe two, Fridays that I am already off and then proceeds to schedule half days of vacation from now until the end of the year. When I asked why he would bother showering and putting on his three piece ill-fitted fancy suit for 4 hours of work he said that he didn’t know what else he would be doing and, plus also, he “didn’t want to get behind on his work”. I had to walk away from him mid sentence or I would have completely lost my shit right then and there. After some meditation I have concluded that clearly I am on a hidden camera reality show to which everyone else is aware but me because this shit is ridiculous. I’ll take my royalties in the form of cigarettes, woo woos and Red Bull. You’re welcome!