The CD will use any-and I mean any-reason to have cocktails. Yeah, it’s raining! Time for a ‘tini! Whoo hoo it’s a day that ends in “y”! Wine me! You catch my drift. Everyone knows the Holidays are all about boozing and getting in and out of awkward situations which is why I love it. But the Holidays aren’t just about drinking too much egg nog on a school night. LOL/JK they totally are but there are other things about this time of year that make it great. Below are the top five reasons I love the Holidays:
1-Holiday Office Parties. Once a year the planets collide in such a way and the Universe blesses you with the best party of the year: The Holiday Office Party. Barista and I like to skip the buffet and head straight to the bar. Too many Lil Smokies impedes the wine ifyouknowwhatimsayin. Last year a guy from IT said he would like to make me one of his “office girls” whilst getting handsy at the bar. The year before that B and I decided we wanted to get one of our coworkers hammer-timed but ended up getting a little too tipsy ourselves. Later on that night I peed in a not so hidden spot off Robinson and fell down attempting to enter Three Monkeys. You guys! Classy!
2-Black Friday. What better way to celebrate American consumerism, consumption and excess than Black Friday? A friend compared it to America’s version of the Running of the Bulls and I couldn’t agree more. It’s not a party until grandma gets trampled! If you need me on Friday I’ll be drinking whiskey waiting for Target to open. If I don’t get one of those three dollar coffee pots then there will be hell to pay.
3-Christmas Cards. There’s a rule about Christmas cards that, if violated, will result in immediate expulsion from heaven. It goes like this: if you have a child the power of Christ compels you, nay forces you, to put their picture on a Christmas card. If you are childless, but married and have pets then you should put their picture on your Christmas card because dogs in Santa suits are cute. If you unmarried and childless then no one cares about your Christmas cards so don’t even bother.
4-Secret Santa. Secret gift giving is the very merry passive aggressive way to point out one’s faults without them realizing who is gently telling them to use mouthwash or shower more regularly. Office secret Santas only double the enjoyment. I would give my right arm to have T Saur as my Secret Santa. I would bequeath him the following gifts: cough drops, soap, a mirror, a book on how to reconnect with your child, some beef jerky, a water bottle and some cologne that does not smell like he purchased it from a dance club bathroom.
5-Time off. It’s not just my time off I appreciate but everyone else’s time off as well. Starting today Steal Your Soul Inc. is a veritable skeleton crew and TLW loves! I heart not having awkward morning chit chat, dealing with the impossibly cramped break room, spending an hour parking my gd car, seeing coworkers at lunch, talking to coworkers, being around coworkers, what have you. Conversely I also love not coming to work and, fair warning, yours truly is off for the longest stretch I have had off since I graduated college starting December 23rd 2009. Woo woos for everybody!