Some people make ridiculously outlandish New Year’s Resolutions that are impossible to keep. Conversely, some people are already so awesome that finding an appropriate New Year’s Resolution proves difficult. Take me for example. What could I possibly change about myself? (No comments from the peanut gallery on that one, please.)
Last year’s resolutions included: not going to Down Town Short Pump, not making out with boys that I would regret in the morning, not making out with bald guys EVER and (trying to) not make out with strangers in bars. I have mastered each of those with varying degrees of success and it is time to move on. It’s a new decade, y’all! Below are my Top Five New Year’s Resolutions for 2010.
Become a better curser. My mother can turn a phrase that would make a sailor blush. I am a fairly decent curser but I want to be the best curser I can be! I want to be able to string a mouthful of obscenities together better than anyone else I know. To accomplish this I need to hang out with my mom more-which is fine because that also involves vodka. Cheers!
Watch a Celebrity dancing show. JK. I am so not going to do that. I do need to watch American Idol though so I have something to talk about over coffee breaks at work. JK again. I would never watch that crap. Side note: I love how high and mighty I am over my television watching considering I watch Real Housewives and The Hills like they’re my religion. So actually my resolution should be: Keep being the awesome hypocrite you already are! This should not be a problem and I expect a 100% success rate for this one.
Throw a shower for myself for not getting married or having a baby. Self explanatory. I’m thinking early to mid spring. Be on the lookout for your invite! I will be registered at Chipotle, Total Wine and Priscilla’s.
Remember that self tanner is your friend. I’m tired of looking at pictures of my pasty self in the winter months. I want to look like I just returned from a tropical vacation paid for entirely by my uber wealthy Italian business magnate boyfriend, Rafael.
Make my dream of a Richmond Badminton Association come to fruition. Think kickball with class. Can you imagine a better way to spend a lovely Saturday afternoon than batting around a shuttlecock in your country club casual wear drinking greyhounds and eating crust less cucumber sandwiches? Right. I didn’t think so.