If you are unlucky enough to have landed yourself a job in Corporate America then you are subject to the most obnoxious waste of time any employee must endure-the yearly employee review. Back when I did not hate my job and did not have to struggle to purchase even the most basic necessities in life, I actually looked forward to this time where I could show my manager all of the hard work I had done that year and why I deserved my shitastic 3% “raise”. Pro tip: This is not a raise at all, but a standard of living increase that puts no more money in your pocket at the end of the day. Just sayin’. Moving on.
As the years progressed so has my extreme dislike toward corporate culture and the realization that the employee review has absolutely nothing to do with any sort of compensation for job performance. At all. As a matter of fact your “raise” (or in my case, no raise at all) has been determined months prior when management works on budgets, further proving my point that this is the most wasted hour of your life that you will never get back. Yet you are forced to sit there and beg for the “raise” that you may or may not actually receive that you may or may not deserve but at the end of the day is irrelevant because the amount has been predetermined back in August.
2009 has single handedly been the worst year of my entire life financially and I would like to let management know that while I enjoy having to decide whether to buy either coffee or milk at the grocery store because I only have $4.00, I don’t think they quite “get it”. In light of this, I have decided to turn my 2009 employee review as a time to let them know what I think of they should sacrifice in 2010! You know, even the playing field a little bit. Instead of three rounds of golf this weekend, play only one. Go to The Homestead for a week and a half, as opposed to two. Cut back from weekly massages to one a month. I think if we all pitch in then we can really help turn this company around! Now excuse me-I need to decide whether I should pay my electric bill or car insurance. Cheers!