T Saur gets a lot of airtime on the CD and this is a disservice to the countless other annoying people who also work at Steal Your Soul, Inc. Just because they don’t smell like moss and pennies doesn’t mean they don’t deserve some recognition!
I Talk About My Kids Because I Have Nothing Else Going On. This is actually three people, but one in particular sits right across from me so I hear the gory details about little Sally’s colds every day. (Side note: Sally is sick a lot. I think she should be placed in a bubble until her immune system gets stronger. Just a suggestion!) Before I quit this place it is my solemn vow to ask these women what they discussed prior to breeding. Hey, I like kids just as much as the next person (sort of) but why these women think I give a rat’s ass about their children’s Christmas recital is beyond me.
Them: “Oh my Gosh, Timmy was so nervous he screamed and cried all the way there, isn’t that funny?! He did NOT want to be that wise man but I made him!”
Me: “That actually may constitute child abuse, but I’m not sure”.
Bottom line: unless you’re my friend, I don’t give a shit about your kids.
Personal Phone Call Overload. Trust me. I get it. Getting a divorce is tough. Sure I took zero days off last year when I was getting my crap together and yeah, I never once talked about it at work, but I’ll give you three month pass on the personal phone calls. But listen-it’s been over a year and you’re remarried now. Man, you don’t skip a beat, do you? Anywhoos, can we limit the personal phone calls to 3-4 a day? On the one hand I admire your bravado and laissez-faire attitude toward your job but when I have to hear you talk to your “Sweetums” thirteen times a day informing him of your every move when you are not in his presence it gets tiresome.
Not Joining Mensa Anytime Soon Secretary. Not everyone is the brightest bulb and that is fine, but you, ma’am, may have suffered a traumatic head injury as a youngster thus impeding your ability to comprehend simple concepts such as: “Are we out of pens?”, “Is the printer broken?”, and “Don’t stand so close to me”. Instead of hand delivering everyone’s mail (creepy) why don’t you stick to the tasks everyone actually cares about-like ordering coffee? I have been a receptionist before. It sucked. A lot. But I knew when to place the coffee order and how to order god damn paper towels. It’s really not that hard. Trust.
Happy Holidays, everyone! It is my last day until ’10. DON’T GO CHANGIN’ ON ME IN ’10!