I hate laundry

El Diablo
I hate doing laundry
 
The rational, grown up side of me realizes this is a chore everyone does on a regular basis. The “why is everything in life so gd hard” side of me dreads this chore more than anything else in my life.  I have never enjoyed doing laundry.  I view it as a tedious task that I will have to repeat sometime in the near future for the rest of my life -pending me marrying an old oil magnate.  (Call me!) I get no sense of accomplishment after folding a big ole pile of t-shirts. Sorry Charles, it sucks.  Here are my top five reasons I hate doing laundry:
 
1. I am washing my underroos in the same washer that some complete stranger washed their underoos just minutes prior.  GROSS!  I’m no Howard Hughes or anything but that is sick. 
 
2.  How often do you have $3.00 in quarters lying around?  Oh right. Never.  Because people DON’T HAVE QUARTERS LYING AROUND.  Well, that’s a shame because that’s how many quarters you need to do a load of laundry.   Now you have to go get quarters.  What a fun errand!  Getting quarters has become a precursor chore to doing the actual laundry which irritates me tenfold.  You can’t just go to the store and ask for quarters. You need to go to the bank and get them.  Going to the bank is like using a fax machine. I can’t believe they both still exist in 2009.  
 
3.  The location of the washer dryer could be further away from my apartment but then I’m not sure how that would be possible and it still be in the City of Richmond.  Because I wait until the last possible pair of gym shorts to wash clothes my laundry bag weighs upwards of 123 lbs.  I must haul the bag, the quarters and the detergent down one flight of stairs, across the parking lot and down yet another flight of stairs. The only silver lining in this is that I do get some fitness out of the whole ordeal as I am carrying a bag that weighs more than me. Wheee!   
 
3.  Finding the perfect time when no one else is doing their laundry.  If you think you are going to get a washer/dryer after work then you’re crazy.  Other hot times are any day that ends in “y” and anytime from 12:00 AM to 12:51 pm, apparently.  I attempted to do laundry at any and all times to avoid having to wait but apparently everyone else has done the same thing! This means you have gone to the trouble of lugging all those clothes down two flights of stairs and across the parking lot only to find one washer available.  This is so annoying it would make Mother Theresa drop an “f” bomb. 
 
4.  That guy. Without a doubt there is *always* some creepy guy just hanging out in that laundry room.  I swear to God I think every child molester in the city of Richmond lives here based solely on the weirdos that just chill out down there.  One time there was a guy eating a pizza. No laundry. Just pizza.  Today there was a strange little man just sitting there waiting for his clothes to dry. I wanted to tell him that I did not think he was in danger of anyone stealing his “I heart fútbol!” t shirt but decided against it.  Every time I go into the laundry room I feel like I’m entering a scene in Saw XX.  Bonus points to when my underwear flings across the room and lands at a strange man’s feet!
 
5.  Unregulated temperatures.  In the summertime the room feels like a Brazilian rain forest.  You will start sweating immediately upon entering and will continue to sweat for twenty minutes upon leaving. In the winter time the opposite occurs. It’s about 40 degrees down there making the entire experience EVEN MORE ENJOYABLE! Who doesn’t like sorting out clothes in the cold? I mean!   
 
 
Advertisements

3 thoughts on “I hate laundry

  1. I hate laundry SO much. I am convinced that when I die and go to hell I will be stuck in the laundry room for everyone who made it to heaven like a little, old Asian woman.

    YOU HEAVEN PEOPLE BETTER NOT STAIN YOUR GODDAMN ROBES WITH ALL THAT FUCKING REVELRY! OH LOOK AT US AND HOW WE’RE BETTER THAN YOU CUZ WE WERE RAPTURED!

    Assholes.

  2. I hate laundry too! I have about 15 loads to do right now because the bad part about having a lot of clothes is that you can put off doing laundry even longer. I go to the laundromat across the street, where at least there will be more than one machine, but I feel you on the terrible timing/extreme temperatures. I think I wouldn’t hate it as much if I didn’t have to be so vigilant about watching the dryer or else my clothes shrink/catch fire/get ruined.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s