1) You have had 4 beers in 90 minutes. You are inclined to:
a) Slow down! It’s not your birthday – it’s Tuesday night!
b) Order your 5th beer in 91 minutes.
c) You don’t remember the last time you had 4 beers, or 90 minutes of free time.
d) Continue dominating the beer-pong tournament.
2.) You’re on deck for NY Deli karaoke. Your song is:
a) Celine Dion – your heart WILL go on.
b) Frank Sinatra – it’s your way all the time.
c) Fastball – wait, why can’t you find a single Fastball song in the big book?
d) The Lonely Island – T-Pain is live on back-up vocals.
3.) The bouncer is asking you to leave because:
a) You are crying because someone stole your bar stool.
b) You grabbed his ass. Accidentally, of course.
c) It’s closing time.
d) You offered to buy the house a round and tried to pay with Ram Bucks.
4.) Your favorite cocktail is:
a) A frozen strawberry anything.
b) Three Wise Men and make it a double.
c) A Cosmopolitan.
5.) You drink because:
a) It’s romantic to have a glass of wine on your anniversary.
b) It does a body good, just like Taco Bell at 2 a.m.
c) It’s the secret to serenity now.
d) Bears shit in the woods.
Mostly A’s – You never met a brain cell you wanted to waste. You enjoy Taylor Swift’s entire catalogue and you stay in touch with all of your third cousins. You are always punctual. You remember everything others wish to forget.
Mostly B’s – You are a mover and a shaker. You are eligible for stock options. You will soon sponsor someone else’s country club membership. A crazy ex-girlfriend is still perpetuating rumors that you have hair plugs.
Mostly C’s – You have small children. You speak play group fluently. Your skin is free from alcohol-induced blotches and you are skinnier than most 25 year olds. You sneak cigarettes and hide from your kids. You’ve still got it, but gots no time for it.
Mostly D’s – You are in college. Everyone who wakes up to an alarm 5 days a week hates you. It’s not personal. Carry on, wayward son. Carry on.