This week I had the pleasure of meeting up with my ex husband for drinks to “catch up”, i.e. “listen to how great my life is now that we aren’t together”. It was pretty sweet. Now before you question my reasoning as to why I would meet him, realize I did it 80% out of morbid curiosity and 20% for Cafe Darkness. That’s right. I took one for the team because I knew it would be chock full of juicy tidbits to share with you, our dear readers! Never known for his sensitivity I knew he would drop so many great one liners I could not overlook this opportunity. Again, repayment in the form of woo woos are always welcome!
On personal style:
Him: Yeah, over the summer I went out and dropped like 2 grand on new clothes. I got a whole new wardrobe. Isn’t it sweet?
Me: They look exactly like the clothes you used to wear.
Him: Well….uh…right. But they’re new.
Me: Isn’t the point of getting all new clothes to get a new “style” or something? It looks like you just got rid of old clothes for new ones, but identical to your old ones. Why?
On moving to Brazil:
Him: Yeah, so I’ll be there for at least eight months, but I’m kind of freaked out because I don’t speak Spanish.
Me: Well, then. Looks like you have something in common then. Neither do they.
Him: I like her. A lot. I’m just scared of commitment.
Me: No shit?
Me: Jesus Christ you are tall. I forgot how tall you are.
Him: Girls love tall guys. The minute the wedding ring came off it was on like ‘woah’.
Me: Oh my.
Him: You used to like tall guys!
On the dogs:
Him: It must be hard walking them all the time since we used to have a backyard.
Him: Yeah, sometimes I think about you. Like when it’s raining. Or cold out. Or during The Jersey Shore.
Me: How sweet of you.