It’s no secret Barista and I met at Steal Your Soul, Inc., but what you may not know is that we were not friends straight away. Nay! Even though her desk was just several feet away from mine, I sat in a cube of solitude for upwards of six months before anyone would even talk to me. (People here are real friendly). Most workers at Steal Your Soul, Inc. are old as dirt. You could ask the average worker where they were when Lincoln was assassinated youknowwhatI’msayin so when there is someone else that is not old, male, rich and white you take notice. Enter in Crazy Coworker #3. Crazy was a nice enough girl but certifiably insane. At the time we were not aware of her crazy so when she randomly asked the two of us to happy hour one evening we both hopped on it post haste.
Immediately I was impressed with both Crazy and Barista’s abilities to hold their liquor, smoke cigs with abandon and shit talk about coworkers until last call. The friendship was signed, sealed and delivered. However, it soon became apparent that Crazy was a bit much. Case in point: telling us about her crystal meth addiction and how she overcame it the first time we hung out, cutting lines like whoa the second time we hung out, her boyfriend’s Box O’ Drugs the third time we hung out and finally her tendency for shooting guns inside her home. On the work front she had a penchant for taking multiple bereavement leaves for the death of her grandmother to whom she was not related and calling in sick for three days straight because of a “hand rash”. Major props to when she refused to take her sunglasses off at work because of “light sensitivity”.
Now I applaud her blatant disregard for this hell hole, but back in the day when I actually gave a rip I didn’t want her shenanigans reflecting poorly on me since it was obvious were all friends. Unfortunately Barista and I had to pre breakup with Crazy and let her go live her life. She quit not long after and we continue to awkwardly run into places like the Cleveland International Airport (!), City Limit whilst talking shit about her (!) and when taking classes at VCU (!). This girl is harder to shake than a bad case of Crabs! Please note it is my fervent belief this would only happen in the RVA. I miss Crazy sometimes and wish she would pop in more often. It’s also nice to compare my life to hers and realize it’s not so bananas after all.