I keep my address book like I keep my mens-high and tight!

Here is a contact list from the 1840's. It was made of whale bone and ran on kerosene!

Recently it came to my attention that some folks keep phone numbers of people they dated and/or made sexy with long after the relationship ended and after they have hopefully moved on to bigger (ha!) and better (zing!) things. 

I do not subscribe to the notion that phone numbers of previous dalliances should be saved for future reference.  I perform a quarterly cleanup of my contacts and delete anyone I no longer find useful or entertaining to my sensibilities.  I don’t want to be reminded of awkward pre break ups or bedside blunders on their part-obviously.  It is bad chi and I need Billy Mays to function at 100% without being dragged down by a bunch of  phone numbers I would rather forget. 

The counter argument is to save these numbers in case they contact you-that way you will know to not answer or text back.   Ladies and germs, the solution to this argument is clear as day.  If a number calls you that you don’t recognize-let that shit go to voicemail.  Check it in a day or two when you’re bored and have nothing better to do.  If you receive an unknown text just reply, “Who ‘dis?” Please see the example below:

Him:  You supporting the local liquor industry tonight?

You:  Who is this?

Him:  God! It’s [fill in the blank].   Are you going out tonight?

Me:  Nice mass text. And yes, but not with you.

The benefit of this is two fold: you get the pleasure of letting the sender know they are not worthy of being in your address book any longer while also finding out who still wants to potentially make the sexy with you.  Double win!  The only loser in this scenario is them.

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