After months of setbacks and delays, the new and improved Barefoot Coworker 2.0 has finally arrived at Steal Your Soul, Inc. In addition to a surly disposition and a permanent scowl, the upgraded model comes fully loaded with new features such as:
- Narcolepsy – 2.0 will nod off into a peaceful nap when spoken to for more than 120 seconds.
- Closet Alcoholic Capabilities – shaky hands, blood-shot eyes and unexplained prolonged absences come pre-installed.
- Church Ladyisms – Barefoot 2.0 has a strong sense of right and wrong and will quickly declare children born out of wedlock as bastards. Refers to associates as shameful unrepentant sinners.
- Interruptus Maximus Tones – You’re in the middle of a sentence? It’s her turn now. 2.0 also has automatic volume adjustments to always be louder than you.
- Digestive Issues – 2.0 is ready to disturb with stories of how her digestive system reacts to mayonnaise
Barefoot 2.0 is maintenance free, also known as not your problem, courtesy of 2010.