Cafe Darkness Man of the Year!

Will not be Man of the Year. Trust.

Yesterday I nominated Delegate Harvey B. Morgan for the Café Darkness Man of the Year Award.  Sometimes we here at the CD can be hard on the less fair sex. It’s not easy getting paid more for the same job, not bearing children and running most major corporations and governments.  Global domination is hard work and we respect that!  As such, throughout the year we will be on the lookout for men who are making their momma’s proud and giving them props where props are due.  What are the qualifications for nomination, you wonder?  Well, I’m so glad you asked.  Check it:

1-Badassery.  Yes, I made that word up-what of it? My small brain and need to fill my womb with a trillion babies allows me to do that, no?  Harvey B. Morgan attempting to decriminalize marijuana is totally and completely 100% badass.  Other potential badass actions include, but are not limited to: turning water into wine (thank ya Jesus!), saving a litter of puppies from an oncoming train, being Gene Cox and time traveling capabilities. 

2-Not having a vajajay.  Those with periods need not apply!  I’ve got no time for your crazy, now make me dinner.   

3-A sense of style.  Ronnie says it best, “Your bank account can be low, but you always gotta look good-always have to get a new haircut, always gotta wear new sneakers, always gotta look fresh”.  Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.  T Saur has this down to a “T”-pun intended-and so should you.  Do you think George Washington left the house without his jaunty tri-cornered hat and wooden teeth? Of course not, don’t be ridiculous.

4-Not being a douche.  I’ve got no time for no account fools.  You know who you are but lest we forget who this includes, here’s the short list: Ed Hardy, Osama bin Laden, Tucker Max, Dane Cook, Spencer Pratt, Gingers, Thomas Kinkade, anyone wearing lobster pants, in-betweens, Nicholas Sparks, Dick Cheney and last but not least, Dr. Phil.

5-Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.  We are concerned about our carbon footprint and recycle on the regs.  As such, Man of the Year will be relegated to locally grown men.  I think the RVA and surrounding localities have enough of the good stuff to bring it.  Plus also, Canadians would totally win but they real talk funny.

So there you have it, men of RVA.  Put on your poker face and show us your disco stick (but not really, that would be a bit much)  Note: we can and will be bribed with woos woos and red wine.  Cheers!