Ask Cafe Darkness!

We have been most delinquent in answering the questions of our readers.  Please accept our deepest apologies as it the time of the month to reach into our second hand mailbag and drop truth bombs. 

Dear Café Darkness,

Recently I got kicked out of a strip club for being too disorderly. What could I have done differently?



Missing the Pop n Lock in Southside

Dear Pop n Lock,

We understand that sometimes seeing boobies in person gets the fellas so excited they just can’t contain themselves.  If you ever find yourself getting too out of control by all of the boobs and daddy issues and simulated sex acts simply make it rain.  Loudly.  You can pretty much do whatever you what-including spitting your drink all over the stripper’s face-as long as you compensate her for the cost of dry cleaning.

 Sincerely yours,


The CD




Dear Café Darkness,

What makes you guys experts on anything?  I think you’re full of it. 



You’re Not Funny at all in the Fan


Dear Sometimes I feel Funny “down there” when I watch American Idol,

We don’t claim to be experts on anything except which bar has the best woo-woos and where we can smoke like ladies in the RVA.  We’re currently getting certified in How to Dress Like Hobos, but we won’t have that completed until the Spring.  Please direct any medical questions to your primary care physician.  We can not diagnose STDs over the internets. 

With love always,


The CD


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2 thoughts on “Ask Cafe Darkness!

  1. Dear Café Darkness,

    Is it wrong to bite a stripper in a nightclub? (Especially when you where drunk & got charged double {figured it out next morning})


    1. Nope. You’re good. You paid it forward by paying double. My only advice is to check your tab more closely before you sign it! Times are tight these days.



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