An Open Letter to Jim Duncan and Andrew Freiden

Dear Jim Duncan and Andrew Freiden,

We all know that you get paid to forecast the weather and that accuracy is something you take pride in.  We however, cannot take any more Winter without losing our minds.  We’re hoping that as Richmond’s most badass weather duo you could do us all a huge favor:  lie to us like getting your best friend out of jail depends on it.   

We’re not saying that accuracy has to go out with the bath water (I really hate that cliché but my stock pile of available cutesy things to say to make a point is running low) but we would be most appreciative if you could hype up Tuesday’s storm enough that we can stay home from work tomorrow.  Instead of this forecast could you perhaps tell your News Director that we’re all going to die tomorrow?  Change your prediction to be more along the lines of 6-8 inches of ice and locusts arriving around 10 am tomorrow morning.  If swarms of insects are out of season, maybe you could throw in some damaging winds and lightning.  Cloud-to-ground lightning strikes if you please.

We are begging you on behalf of every adult who has been robbed of yet another weekend to please get me us out of work tomorrow.  It’s Richmond for crying out loud!  We deserve at least one snow day with no precipitation each year.  I can ask my delegate to introduce a no-snow holiday to the General Assembly if that will ease your conscience. 

Please guys, do it for the adults.

Yours in Conspiracy,

Barista

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