Cabin Fever is a medical condition caused by prolonged deprivation to sunlight, being subjected to a continual onslaught of winter storms and living in a city that refuses to clear the roads for fuck’s sake.
Symptoms include increased feelings of needing to get the hell out of one’s apartment before they lose their shit, despair that it’s only February 3rd for the love of God and yelling at ice patches near the dumpster that make you almost slip and break your god damn back. The inability to go live one’s life unfettered by Mother Nature’s wintry wrath was also reported. Sufferers may experience crazy eyes, the need for impromptu happy hours and the uncontrollable need to talk about more potential winter storms that can’t possibly hit on another weekend, please for the love of Baby Jesus. The decision to quit one’s job and move to Costa Rica is uncommon, but has occurred in rare cases.
If you, or someone you love, is suffering from Cabin Fever please seek treatment immediately as prolonged exposure to Cabin Fever can lead to anywhere from pissy moods to eating too much cheese. Treatments include dance parties, karaoke, not watching American Idol and binge drinking.