Ask Cafe Darkness: Should I Shag My Employee?

Get you some!

Yesterday Barista wrote about the do’s and don’ts of office romance.  What should you do when you find yourself in a fit of uncontrollable passion which causes you to throw all the papers to the ground so you can make sexy on an oversized mahogany desk?  (Still waiting to scratch this off my bucket list, btw. If you can make it happen-email me!)  Anywhoos, as always with our posts, it sparked some questions, most notably the question of what should one do if they are the boss and their employee-an underling if you will-flirts with them.  The answer to this question is so simple it shouldn’t even require answering but since we are loyal to our readers I’ll take the time out of my super duper busy day of playing Words With Friends to answer it.

Do: decide if this employee is shagable

Don’t : tell them this.


Do: feel them up and assess their goodies.  Boob and package size are a must know before taking the next step. 

Don’t: do this in front of other people.


Do: make sexy. Now.

Don’t: record it, text about it or in any way incriminate yourself that could be used against you in a court of law. I’m looking at you Big Tig. 


Do: get kinky. 

Don’t:  do missionary.


Do: be creative!

Don’t: Google “how to be creative when making sexy” from your work computer. Dumb ass.


Do: tell your friends

Don’t: tell your significant other.


Do: realize how rad it is to get laid on the company dime.

Don’t: charge connies to company credit card.

If you follow these easy tips and tricks you’ll be banging that flirty employee in no time-maybe even in the elevator or stairwell which would be ridiculously hot, now wouldn’t it? Meow!


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