Last night I decided to go to a Super Bowl party. I didn’t even know the Super Bowl was yesterday but all I had to hear were the words “all you can drink” and “free” and I was all “pick me up at six!” Highlights of the evening were as follows:
1-Due to excessive alcohol consumption from the previous night’s debauchery I decided to take a knee and not get totally and completely hammer timed. Side note: It really needs to stop snowing over the weekend. My liver and bank account can’t take it.
2-Puppy Bowl. This may be the most adorably awesome idea ever in the history of the world. For those of us that don’t understand the first thing about football and don’t give a rat’s ass about a bunch of guys throwing a ball around but do love squishable puppies (!) it provides a nice alternative. Water bowl cam! Instant replays! Tater Tot FTW! Loves!
3-Wings without sauce. Last night I was in the mood for some motherfucking WINGS! However I made the mistake of not doing the ordering and was shocked and appalled when my much anticipated wings came out sans sauce. They looked so naked and shameful on the plate. When I inquired WTF was going on with these wings that weren’t even really wings but more just like friend chicken bits I was told they ordered this way on purpose to make them easier to eat. What. The. Hell. Hands down they were the worst wings ever. Lesson learned. Never allow someone else to order your chicken wings. The more you know.
4-Who Dat. I don’t know what the fuck this stupid expression means but honestly if I hear one more douche bag say it again, I may lose my shit. One gentleman in particular said it about 150,456 times last night. It took everything in me to not hurl my wine glass at his head as hard as possible to make him stop saying it, please for the love of God. Also, anytime y’all want to stop saying this on Facespace, Twitter or anywhere else ever again, just let me know.
5-Lovers quarrels! Watching people argue is always fun. Watching people drunkenly argue is even better. Here’s the situation: guy hits on girl. Girlfriend sees this and gets pissed off to the point where she took maybe 5 woo woos in the span of five minutes. I’m all, “dayum girl!” She yells. He listens. She cries in 5-4-3-2-1. She makes a scene. She gets her friends involved. He leaves. She follows. AWESOME!