Satan Demands the Sale of Girl Scout Cookies to Cease, Hopes Happiness Follows Suit.

He Who Is Most Evil Does not like Tag-A-Longs

LAKE OF FIRE, HELL.  Lucifer, dark ruler of the fiery underworld commonly referred to as Hell announced yesterday that he will no longer allow the sale of Girl Scout cookies in front of any New Ukrop’s locations.    

Whilst ensuring the eternal damnation of souls through temptation and vice he released a statement demanding that  the sale of America’s beloved Girl Scout Cookies stop immediately.  “Hark! Listen, loyal subjects to me, Fallen Archangel also known as Satan and most Evil Ruler!  From this point on you must cease selling the delicious Girl Scout Cookies you all enjoy!”  Beelzebub, He Who Is Most Terrible in the Eyes of God, continued, “The time has come to stop enjoying these scrumptious sweet treats that are available for sale just once a year.  I demand you use the energy once dedicated to the sale and proliferation of these mouth-watering pleasures for more evil activities such as raping, pillaging and stealing happiness from Innocents.”  

The Evil Underlord went on to decry that infant’s tears would be bottled and sold in place of the beloved cookies. Furthermore, the space once occupied by jovial children providing joy to others with their confectionary delights would be used to euthanize puppies.

Advertisements

One thought on “Satan Demands the Sale of Girl Scout Cookies to Cease, Hopes Happiness Follows Suit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s