1-The Olympics. I’m a bad American. I don’t care about the Olympics. My rods and cones were inadvertently burned on Friday night when I happened to see a few moments of the Opening Ceremonies. The image of a man skating across computer enhanced blades of grass will be forever seared in my memory. Or at least I think that’s what that was-I was pretty drunk at the time but I do remember retching and screaming, “That’s so gross!” over and over again. Damn those woo woos.
2-The final season of Lost. I won’t lie, I watched the first few seasons of Lost. I got into it and I’m not above admitting that. But honestly you guys, you still give a shit about those fuckers on the island? Future, past, dead, not dead. I’m ovah it. I do have one request though; if they tell us what the hell that polar bear was doing in Season 1 could you let me know? It’s been bugging me for years. Thanks!
3-Rest Stops. I’m glad rest stops are more important to Bob McDonnell than children eating breakfast. It’s all about priorities in this administration and clearly being able to take a leak off 64 is at the top of the list. Good to know.
4-Winter. That’s right. I no longer care about winter. I think that if we all stop talking about it maybe it will go away. We’ve given winter too much attention recently and THAT’S why it won’t leave our lives. You know when you accidentally chat it up with some douche bag at a party and he latches on to you for the rest of the night? It’s like that. So, let’s all ignore it much like a Ginger at the end of the bar and hopefully it will get its tab soon and leave.
5-Car inspections. My car is due for inspection this month and my tires are balder than a 35-year-old guy’s head. (Oh hai male pattern baldness!). My car is going to fail like woah and because I work for a company that doesn’t believe in giving people raises ever, I won’t be able to afford to replace them. Henceforth, I don’t give a rip if it passes or fails. Either way I’m not fixing shit on it so it’s all the same to me. If anyone has any tips and tricks for learning the GRTC public transit system, hit a sister up!