I use the Google!

You're a mystery

Because I’m hungover like a mother today, I’m totally phoning this one in. As such, I’m taking the easy way out and presenting to you the most recent version of “I use the Internets to Find Things” also known as the weird shit y’all Google and somehow end up here. 

Tuna Sandwich.  Who is searching “tuna sandwich”? More importantly, why are you searching “tuna sandwich”? Is someone confused about what’s in a tuna sandwich? Hint: it’s tuna.  

Who is Café Darkness?  That’s none of your god damn business! 

Why is there a dog food smell at JMU?   Using my superior deductive reasoning skills I bet you want to find out why JMU smells like dog food. The answer to that my little Duke Dog friend is simple: it’s the trillion chickens they slaughter every day.  When the wind blows a certain way the smell from the poultry abattoir of death blows over the beautiful Shenandoah Valley for all to enjoy! I’ll take the chicken tenders, please! 

How Many People Dislike Doing Laundry?  Everyone hates doing laundry if you have an ounce of a life.  The same people who enjoy doing laundry are the same lame-os who like snow storms on the weekend. Whee! Frozen water! From the sky! I mean! 

Go Live Your Life.   Just so you know this should only be said in a Russian accent.  Outlandish stories about being a mail order bride stories and wanting to leave your fat, American husband for (whoever is standing there) recommended but not required.


One thought on “I use the Google!

  1. Hahaha love the JMU comment – totally remember the days of seeing the chicken trucks drive by with partial wings hanging out…

    And is it just me or did the smell of “dog food” always seem a hundred times worse on rainy, cloudy days?!

    Ahhhh JMU….

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