This weekend I decided to party like it was January 15th, 1920. Spring is in the air and that means one thing and one thing only: it’s hammer time. Behold my the highlights from the weekend!
Fatal Attraction. Pro tip: When a friend asks you to pretend to be his new love interest because he can’t break up with a stage 5 clinger, just say “no”. Don’t be coerced into going along with this ruse for a couple of glasses of wine because the bitch is crazy. If one needs to be dumped more than once, she’s psycho. I’m 99% certain I’ll find this girl in my kitchen boiling a rabbit any day now.
Last to come, first to leave. When I go to outdoor festivals I prefer to attend them for ten minutes or less because I don’t really like being around people all that much. Thus is how I did on Saturday when I went to Shamrock the Block for a hot sec. I spent the majority of the day boozing in and around various bars around town. I’m pretty sure I shaved a good five to ten years off my life. Related: I’m never taking shots of whiskey ever again. Sick.
Mishaps. I am prone to bad relationships, eating too much cheese and accidents. On Saturday I managed to somehow step into a puddle of sewage and shortly thereafter have an errant sign slice the lower portion of my leg open. My doctor is sick and tired of giving me shots of penicillin! Y’all really should all want to hang with me. Nothing bad with happen to you as it always happens to me. Trust!
New neighbor bestie. I’ve talked mad shit about my neighbor and I’m ready to say I’m sorry and declare her my new bestie! She has let me in my building when I got locked out not once but twice now. I’m pretty sure she can’t stand me and judges the company I keep (ahem) but she’s always home and more than willing to buzz my drunk ass back in. I’m going to buy her a Nickelback CD as a thank you gift post haste.