Never one to shy away from controversy, I thoroughly enjoyed this exchange over the weekend. The scene is a very nice wine bar, filled to the brim with proper ladies and buttery Chardonnay.
Old Friend: How are your babies?
Barista: They are so adorable! Squish! I just love them.
Old Friend: Aww.
Barista: Yup. They’re fabulous. They both managed to lose 2 pounds since January.
Old Friend: Wow. That’s a lot, right?
Barista: Yes! They were up 20 pounds each, so I had to do something. Summertime will be here before we know it.
Old Friend: How did you do it?
Barista: I’m pretty much only feeding them green beans. Just watching their calories. I make them play outside more often too since the snow is gone. They’re looking so good.
Angry Mother: Excuse me. I wasn’t going to say anything but I can’t bite my tongue any longer. What kind of a woman puts her babies on a diet?
Barista: Duh, me I guess.
Angry Mother: Your child is supposed to weigh 20 pounds! What is wrong with you? Do you know you could really jeopardize her health? Someone should report you.
Old Friend: You do realize she was talking about—
Barista: I’ve got this Old Friend. So tell me Angry Mother, what’s the best way to get your children in shape for bikini season?
Angry Mother: You are disturbing.
Barista: Says you.
Angry Mother: Ugh! Women like you are–
Barista: Responsible dog owners?
Angry Mother: What? Oh my. You weren’t talking about children?