Let’s Get Physical

Mommy says she'll love me again if I win

Never one to shy away from controversy, I thoroughly enjoyed this exchange over the weekend.  The scene is a very nice wine bar, filled to the brim with proper ladies and buttery Chardonnay.

Old Friend:  How are your babies?

Barista:  They are so adorable!  Squish!  I just love them.

Old Friend:  Aww.

Barista:  Yup.  They’re fabulous.  They both managed to lose 2 pounds since January.

Old Friend:  Wow.  That’s a lot, right?

Barista:  Yes!  They were up 20 pounds each, so I had to do something.  Summertime will be here before we know it.

Old Friend:  How did you do it?

Barista:  I’m pretty much only feeding them green beans.  Just watching their calories.  I make them play outside more often too since the snow is gone.  They’re looking so good.

Angry Mother:  Excuse me.  I wasn’t going to say anything but I can’t bite my tongue any longer.  What kind of a woman puts her babies on a diet? 

Barista:  Duh, me I guess.

Angry Mother:  Your child is supposed to weigh 20 pounds!  What is wrong with you?  Do you know you could really jeopardize her health?  Someone should report you.

Old Friend:  You do realize she was talking about—

Barista:  I’ve got this Old Friend.  So tell me Angry Mother, what’s the best way to get your children in shape for bikini season?  

Angry Mother:  You are disturbing.   

Barista:  Says you.

Angry Mother:  Ugh!  Women like you are–

Barista:  Responsible dog owners?

Angry Mother:  What?  Oh my.  You weren’t talking about children?

Barista:  Nope.


4 thoughts on “Let’s Get Physical

  1. I’m scared to get Lil Scoots weighed in May. I think he’s porked up quite nicely this winter. It’s all that dust he’s been eating. Squish!

  2. I like to refer to leaving work as “getting home to my little guy”. People’s eyes get big when they hear he’s only 5 and gets to stay home alone.

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